Law Of The Land

By Manuwant Choudhary

Arvind Kejriwal is in prison and for what...for protesting against a ministers corruption outside the Prime Minister's House.

So I went to my source in the Prime Minister's Office to find out why they have arrested the anti-corruption crusader and this is how our talk went...

Me: Sir, with due respect I fail to understand how it is Shri Kejriwal who is in prison and not Shri Salman Khurshid, the law minister, whose wifes NGO swindled crores of rupees meant for the disabled.

Officer: Because, we believe in the law of the land.

Me: But sir, you mean to say that the law of the land favours the corrupt?

Officer: I never said that..you journalists love putting words in our mouths....I just said we believe in law of the land.

Me: So you mean to say Shri Kejriwal does not believe in the law of the land?

Officer: I never said that..Shri Kejriwal is a ctizen of this country and he also believes in the law of the land.

Me: So does the law of the land mean that honest persons should be put in prison and the corrupt made ministers?

Officer: Look, don't waste my time if you have a problem then first you must believe in the law of the land?

Me: What do you really mean? Has Shri Kejriwal been put in prison simply because he did not file a case in the Delhi High Court?

Officer: You ask Shri Kejriwal why he believes in the law of the land.

Me: Shri Kejriwal looks more like George Fernandes behind bars....and I heard him say he will never file a case in the courts against you....

Officer: Exactly, see we believe in the law of the land...

Me: But this is crazy...even DLF or Robert Vadra have not filed any defamation cases against Shri Kejriwal despite the best efforts of the country's media....

Officer: Ah didn't you see on TV that Nidhi Razdan trying her best to provoke us....

Me: There is nothing about her provoking you but if you all believe in the law of the land then the simple thing is to go to court..and that Harish Salve fellow he is no independent legal voice,, he turns out to be a hawkish DLF lawyer...

Officer: We don't know DLF...all we know is the law of the land.

Me: Do you want Shri Kejriwal's party to be like SV Raju's Swatantra Party..they go to the Bombay High Court and the case never comes up for hearing for 22 years !

Officer: Everyone has to believe in the law of the land.

Me: But Shri Kejriwal has diabetes and he may not live for 22 years?

Officer: We don't know all that...all citizens must believe in the law of the land.

Me:  I am totally confused that when everyone believes in the law of the land then why the BIG fight?

Officer: Because we believe in The SON IN LAW OF THE LAND !

Salary Why Aren't You Growing ?

Laloo `ONLINE' !

By Manuwant Choudhary

Laloo Yadav has been trying to revive his lost fortunes at a time Nitish Kumar faces public flak but in Jamui today he was at his `Online' best....

It was his take on Nitish Kumar's computerisation program....

"Ab sab cheez hai `Online....35 lakh teachers sat for an examination `ONLINE' and they put `BLUETOOTH' in their collars...and 34 lakh FAILED `ONLINE'.

"Then even if you don't know how to drive you can get a driving licence `ONLINE'.

"Jameen ka raseed bhee ONLINE...AB raseed kaatne waala bhee bekar (5 lakh people unemployed)

Aur TAX bhee ONLINE !

Phir koi pareeksha bhee nahin...Grade milega.. A, B, C, D, sab ONLINE....

Aur poora Bihar Lik laurha le patthar ONLINE...(everyone will pass, no one will fail, but they will not know how to even sign their own names)

Just then a listener in the crowd faints (from hearing him or the heat)

The man is helped onto the dias with Laloo suggesting he be  given water to drink but that does not help and everyone seems worried (what happens if he dies on stage?)

Laloo, "Arre le jao, le jao...haspataal le jao...meri gaaree se le jao..."(take him to hospital in my car)

The man is lifted and taken off the stage but Laloo's partymen are kind to the poor in words not deeds so his men leave the man on the floor offstage...and Laloo quips,

"Arre utha ke le jao haspataal....ee ONLINE thode chala jayega...")You will have to take him to hospital he can't go to the hospital ONLINE !)

Kejriwal The Bhasmasura

By Manuwant Choudhary

I found the Congressspokeswoman at the poolside as models strutted around in their bikinis for a shoot of the Kingfisher Calender 2013 and I asked her what she was doing here...taking a break from Nidhi Razdan's inquisitions....

Congressspokeswoman: You think we ever get a break...and with that Kejriwal fellow around its complete madness.

Me: I agree but I thought you actually like Team Anna.

Congresswoman: We like Annaji but who is this Kejriwal fellow...he just comes out of nowhere and flashes pieces of paper on national TV and everyone goes crazy...

Me: But I thought you know Kejriwal...I believe he was in the Indian Revenue Service..before he became an activist...an Income Tax Officer...

Congresswoman: Exactly, it is we who trained him...

Me: Even before I told you mam these Income Tax sleuths are crazy..they keep raiding mithai shops in Patna everyday...you should just abolish the Income Tax department....

Congresswoman: I think its a good idea but wait what if they all start a political party...or join this Kejriwal...no no its better they raid only mithai shops.

Me: Mam, but this Kejriwal why is he so angry?

Congresswoman: I really don't know...when even the BJP is happy with us..whats this guy upto...and see he even made Vijay Goel cry.

Me: But is he  a nice guy?

Congresswoman: Nice ! Don't you see his face...Annaji breaks his fast with a glass of orange juice and this Kejriwal breaks his fasts with green chillies and says hes got diabetes..

Me: But you know I think ever since he launched his own party he looks more pleasant...think his diabetes is getting cured.

Congresswoman: I think he is a very dangerous.

Me: You mean more dangerous than Afzal Guru...

Congresswoman: Yes, yes, Afzal Guru we can give mercy but this Kejriwal needs to be destroyed.

Me: But you congratulated him when he won the Magsasay Award...for his Right To Information Campaign....and yet you say you dont know him..

Congresswoman: And who gave the Right To Information to the people of India? We did.

Me: I agree you did but then why do you tell  Nidhi Razdan that you don't know this Kejriwal fellow...

Congresswoman: But even if I know why should I say so on national TV for the whole world to know...

Me: Mam, see but I am so close to the Congress Party...your wellwisher...so you can at least tell me who he is....

Congresswoman: He is Bhasmasura !

Me: Who Bhasmasura? Now, now you are talking like Murli Manohar Joshi..has the Congress become a Hindu party?

Congresswoman: No, no just that Indian mythology really helped us find out who he is...

me: Can you explain?

Congresswoman: Like Bhasmasura prayed to Lord Shiva to give him a boon that he would never die. But Shiva said its beyond his powers to grant him such a wish...but he could ask for anything else. So
Bhasmasura said that he wants a boon that if he places his hand on anyone's head he would be destroyed.

Me: Then what happens?

Congresswoman: So Shiva granted the boon but Bhasmasura started running after Shiva himself and the Gods got worried that Shiva was going to be killed...

Me: But whats the connection...

Congresswoman: Exactly, we gave him the RTI boon and he uses it against us...

Me: Aaah...I understand now...but still what are you doing here in the midst of bikini clad models...surely you cant destroy Kejriwal sitting here....

Congresswoman: You are too naive...we are looking for Mohini !

The Angry Autowallah

By Manuwant Choudhary

The autowallah has always fascinated me and if I was  a Bollywood director I'd cast Amitabh Bachan as   an autowallah !

But I don't like the auto.....

As an aam aadmee I do have to take the auto and now you have even Diesel-run auto's which are larger.

Like before the fuel price hike I took this auto which could seat four at the back but just then the autowallah found five more passengers and he asked all of them to sit in the front.

And surprisingly all five agreed....so one by one they all pushed onto the front row....at first it looked like this was impossible but the autowallah knows the art of `squeeze or `shift' and `shift' he did, until the autowallah asked if everyone was in and a passenger replied, "Haan, haan, bas aap utaar jayen.." (yes, yes, except now you can get off !)

In fact, even if you see an empty auto going somewhere you will notice the auto wallah always sits on the edge, never at the centre, thinking of the imaginary passengers he is ferrying!

And his neck is always strained, towards the lanes and bylanes, as he chugs along, slowing down every two seconds and stopping all traffic behind him. Honks and abuses don't bother him.

Almost the way our Prime Minister strains his neck to get FDIs from America...

But yesterday I took this auto and the usually silent autowallah was talking and no he was angry, really angry.

At first I thought the old man had a fight with his wife but when I heard him carefully he was angry at Dr. Manmohan Singh for raising fares.

This is what he said, "Hum sau rupaye kamate the ab woh bhi gaya aur passenger bhi kum hai......sab neeche waale ka paisa jodte hain...aur upar waale MP aor MLA apna wetan badhate hain to koi kuch nahin bolta..." (I used to earn Rs.100 per day but now I don't, and there are fewer passengers as well. Everyone questions what someone below him earns but they don't question what someone above them gets. I know how MPs and MLAs raised their salaries but no one complained...)

If the Indian economy was really so bad then how is it that the MPs keep increasing their salaries and perks?

One argument has always been that give an MP a decent salary and he will become honest.

Now we all know.....give an MP a decent salary and he will want coal, spectrum, gas......

The above chart courtesy telegucolours shows the salary hike in 2010....

What corruption? Its a gift......

By Manuwant Choudhary

I wonder who is more corrupt - the BJP or the Congress but I take it that since the Congress Party has been longer in power they would be more corrupt.

So when India's Prime Minister Dr. Manmohan Singh wants to take tough economic decisions he first announces a bill to promote dalits to high places....just so as to keep the Paswans and Mayawatis on his side.

But Mulayamji opposed the move.

I am not sure if there has ever been a dalit president of the Congress Party.

And remember Babu Jagjivan Ram, India's dalit defence minister, when India won the Bangladesh war, but Mrs. Indira Gandhi did not give him any credits.

Later, when emergency was imposed Jagjivan Babu, a cabinet minister, was not even consulted.

So he resigned and joined the Janata Party which came to power ousting Indira.

The current Speaker of India's parliament is his daughter  Meira Kumar....

Like the Congress Party nowadays focusses only on the irrigation scam in Maharashtra as if the Kosi scams never took place and Maruti never happened.

But yes Nitin Gadkari is a fine man but he does look like soft towards contractors just as the Congress is to the builders lobby.

I think we have lost count of all the corruption cases independent India has seen....its worse than a tsunami.

And whats worse when after 15 years Bihar throws out a Laloo for his role in the fodder scam only to find another case suggesting Nitish Kumar also took crores from Shyam Behari Sinha - the fodder scam prime accuesed - to contest elections...

But Laloo is drawing larger crowds these days while Nitish gets black flags everywhere...so the Bihar police strip all those who wear black shirts - and a shirtless Bihari is worse.

But Laloo suggests its not enough....should only old people attend Nitish rallies...after all people do have black hair. Or should they shave to attend a rally?

If black was such an offensive colour I wish our politicians did something about Black money too.

The debate on corruption is not going anywhere....we even elect the corrupt again and again...and if we take them to court...like with Mayawati - the Supreme Courts absolves her of all charges....its all a gift.

Defending Aam Aadmee Robert Vadra

By Manuwant Choudhary

I met this Congress Party spokeswoman in New Delhi and she seemed to be so upset with India Against Corruption. I asked her whats the matter madam...

Congresswoman: This India Against Corruption is getting too much now...they are actually India Against Aam Aadmee..

Me: No, no...see that Kejriwal fellow he is definitely for the aad aadmee ...he wears a large topi with aam aadmee written all over.

Congresswoman: Aah that `topi' thats only to fool the people and try to look like politician.

Me: But I thought you were very happy Kejriwal launched his own party...

Congresswoman: No, no, I think we were wrong...that fellow is very dangerous.....see we are so nice and gentle and we entertain people on television without being too offensive...you can ask Nerendrabhai Modi jee also...we never cross the line...

Me: But I saw Kejriwal restoring electric supply to  a labourers home....so he is for the aam aadmee...

Congresswoman: Aah that ..thats all a stunt...burning electricity bills...besides that labourer is not aam aadmee..he is too poor..he can't even pay his electricity bills.

Me: I don't follow...but I think the aam aadmee feels your government is really corrupt...tell me how Robert Vadra made 300 crores from just 50 lakhs in 3 years !

Congresswoman: See thats what I was saying they are just targeting aam aadmee...Robert Vadra is aam aadmee.

Me: No, no he cant be aam aadmee, he is the husband of Priyanka Gandhi (who may become India's Prime Minister)

Congresswoman: No, no I am talking about Robert Vadra...Priayanka married an aam aadmee..and now they tell us that aam aadmee cannot do business and become rich.

Me; But mam...300 crores in 3 years and from only 50 lakhs !

Congresswoman: Yes, yes, you see that is also India's growth story...if India can grow at 8 per cent..then aam aadmee can grow at 3000 per cent...

Me: But mam I am really not sure..I work very hard everyday but why am I not growing...

Congresswoman: I think thats because you do too much yoga and watch Ramdev Baba on TV!

me: No, but I also work very hard.....I am also a businesman...and I am aam aadmee..but I just wanted to know the secret...

Congresswoman: You fool. you cant guess even that..thats because Priyanka Gandhi did not marry you.