Bullock-cart Broadcast Journalist and Mahatma Gandhi - a rare talkie !

GOLD DIGGERS ON A SUNDAY

By Manuwant Choudhary

A seer Shobhan Sarkar dreams of buried treasure and Bharat Sarkar goes digging at Duandia Kheda village in Unnao district UP, digging even on a Sunday!

I dedicate this piece to all of India’s Gold Diggers !

It is the Indian womans love for the yellow metal that takes away a substantial portion of our exchange reserves.

Finance Minister P Chidambaram’s appeal to the Indian women not to buy gold is like asking cyclone Phailin to return to Thailand !

So this seer promises that if a thousand tonnes of gold is found then India will not have to import gold for a year !

And India will  become rich. QED. (Quite Easily Done)

But the Wikipedia has another version of a Gold Digger..its says a Gold digger is slang for a greedy person (stereotypically a woman) who only dates (and subsequently marries) wealthy partners with the (typically) sole intention of exploiting said wealth. The term is usually pejorative.

But this is so limited….anyone actually can be  a gold digger.

Then there is something grosser than the above wikipedia description…the internet is full of them….which is to pick one’s nose…yes even celebrities are caught on camera..even the Queen !

But still that’s human.

It was quite hilarious when Nerendra Modi the BJP PM aspirant made his debut speech in Kanpur..one Samajwadi Party politician said that Modi is such an irritant, nobody is even watching him, everyone is interested in the treasure hunt in UP…

But Modi looked so sweatily happy in the humid afternoon in Kanpur….”Jahan tak main dekh sakta hoon wahan tak mund hee mund hain…” (As far as I can see there are only skulls).

Of course, Modi does not like skull caps.

But why just the ASI, even Modi was in UP as a Gold Digger….

He wants to exploit the sentiments in a way voters would vote for him.

So he talks like Laloo Yadav.

For a politician in India to be a poor man’s son is like striking gold.

Laloo ruled on that sentiment long enough and now Modi attempts the same….

Thankfully, some of our gold diggers are in prison.

And Rahuls attempts at phot-ops in dalit homes is just the same.

Have you noticed both the PM aspirants speak with their arms.

What India needs is someone who speaks their mind.

Returning to the wikipedia, I think now even men can be Gold Diggers.

Wait, actually I don’t mind being one.

If only I can date and marry Sonam Kapoor. (She plans to buy an apartment in Bombay but wants to continue living with her parents)

Does anyone know Sonam Kapoor?

And finally, this famous song from film Upkar ...Mere desh kee Dhartee...Sona Ugle..ugle heera moti...

Coalgate Joke

By Manuwant Choudhary

Things are finally hotting up in the Coalgate Scam after the CBI file FIRs against the Coal Secretary and India's top industrialist KM Birla, but opposition leaders are gunning for the Prime Minister after the CBI files a case against `Competent Authority'.

Opposition leader: Now the CBI should question the PM after all he has been named in the FIR.

Congress leader: Named ? Where??

Opposition leader: Surely, you don't read newspapers...the CBI has filed cases against `Competent Authority'...

Congress leader: The PM signs thousands of files he does not even know what he is signing on...

Opposition leader: But surely only the PM is the `Competent Authority'....

Congress leader: No, how can you say that?

Opposition leader: Well, because only the Prime Minister is the `Competent Authority'.

Congress leader: Only two days ago you were calling him `Incompetent'..

"Malala Just Took A Bullet To The Head For Peace", CNN's Christiane Amanpour tells the Nobel chairman

Goats & Gandhi

By Manuwant Choudhary

India's father of the nation Mahatma Gandhi loved his goat so much so he would leave even important meetings to tend to his goat !

He drank only goats milk.

On Bakrid as I read todays newspapers, goats are selling for Rs.10,000 to  Rs.100,000/- in Patna, in the metros this could be higher.

And their names are after famous Bollywood stars like Salman and Shahrukh and Katrina!

But its such a shame that a goat is today worth more than human life in India.

When someone gets killed in a road accident governments through the District Magistrate still give only Rs.10,000/- by way of compensation !

And the kin are so happy with that....

There is something so terribly wrong with the way India is being run and managed.

Our highways are not fenced...and accidents routine.

In Bihar I met this woman who had five children and I asked her why she had so many babies and she replied, "Three are taken away by the Gods (through diseases), one is for the road (accident) and ultimately only 1 will survive to look after me in my old age!"

Of course I don't blame the Mahatma for post-independent India but its just that when we celebrate him we often forget everything he really stood for.

The Mid Day carried an interesting report of a restaurant in South London called Ganapati where they serve a pure vegetarian `Gandhi Thaali' and guests eat sitting on the floor.

And the thali includes a glass of Goat milk !

Next visit to London I have to visit Ganapati restaurant...

I am still trying to find out the name of Gandhi's goat? (The goat even attended the Round Table Conference and met celebrities like Charlie Chaplin)

DEMOCRACY IS COMING BY LEONARD COHEN

Narendra Modi's Shauchalaya Rally!

By Manuwant Choudhary

Such is the stench in Patna these days that India’s President has already cancelled his Patna visit.

And L.K. Advani is staying away.

The reason being Narendra Modi is coming here to address a Hunkar rally at Patna’s Gandhi maidan to enthuse his supporters with his new slogan “Pehle Shauchalaya, Phir Devalaya !” (First Toilets, Then Temples)

Already sanitaryware shops at Exhibition road have seen an increase in their sales.

BJP workers have been shopping for commodes in their thousands….

Most have been looking for saffron coloured commodes informs one shopkeeper, but we have mostly white.

One wanted a commode with Narendra Modi’s face on it but we told him those are designer commodes and we have only one piece – a  Robert Mugabe commode.

Some have been looking for Japanese commodes which give out patriotic jingles every time you flush.

One customer has bought a special commode to gift it to Modiji…its called “The Hot Seat’…after all Modiji wants to be India’s Prime Minister…

An inner-circle BJP member wanted a bomb-proof commode with bullet proof glasses around it, afterall Modiji is on a hit list….

But sanitary shops are aware that for BJP members from rural Bihar they would need toilets just as it is at home…so they have like one designed like a railway track fitted with nat sound and vibrations of an approaching Rajdhani train !

Another shop has one called “The Maidan’…just wheat crops !

 With computers so popular i-pots are also in demand.

I asked a BJP worker about Modi’s toilet interest and he informed, “Modiji was the sevak responsible for digging up Bombay’s Mahalaxmi Racecourse for the Maharally by building the thousand of holed toilets.!”