A Safari in Bihar?

Like Narendra Modi builds everything in Gujarat, Nitish Kumar builds everything in Nalanda, his home district. Now some 20 sq kms land near Rajgir in the midst of hillocks have been walled for a safari. Electric fencing is being fixed atop the walls to prevent intrusion. A skywalk is already ready but not open to the public yet. My source tells me work is in full swing. A foresters residence with a fancy apartment for the mukhya mantri is already ready. Its well known that whenever Nitish goes to Rajgir the alliance shifts. And if he is feeling sick then politics gets murkier. But what about the animals? They are being sourced from all over. What about trees? They are being planted. But the animals would die in the bihar heat. I asked my source if this would be like a zoo. He replied, "Nahin janwar to khule mein ghumenge pinjre mein hum honge! " I quipped, "Toh safari ki kya zaroorat thee.. poora bihar hee safari hai. "

Buta Singh - Bihar's Best Ruler.

Buta Singh who passed away recently was Bihars best ruler. I am not a votary of Presidents rule but for a brief period in 2005 i think Buta Singh was Governor of Bihar. And Presidents rule was imposed so Buta was all powerful. Bihars capital Patna had not even seen traffic lights since independence but suddenly all that changed. The streets were washed clean, the dust vanished and there were sparkling cats eye on the roads. It felt like Europe. And Patnas Sikhs could be seen in their expensive cars going around as if in Toronto. But at a wedding in Bombay a journalist friend quizzed my general knowledge. Do you know the names of Butas sons? Do you know Lovely and Sweety? I replied No. Do you know how much percentage they earn from cats eyes alone? I was amused. When I returned to Bihar my mongrel gave birth to two pups I named them Lovely and Sweety. One day a college senior visted and adopted both of them Lovely and Sweety found a home. The college senior was kanwaljit singh arora - a Sardar. Providence.

The Chaiwallah !

A chaiwallah across the road came up to me and asked me if he could borrow Rs. 500 from me. I asked him why and he said he wants to re-start his tea business. I liked the idea. Who wouldn't? I thought of the lovely hot milk tea i could sip in winter. So I gave him Rs. 500. He seemed grateful. Exactly, after ten days he returned the money. He informed his tea shop was up and running. But I wasnt so lucky. Everytime I ordered tea i was informed he had run out of milk. Ten days later he would again ask me for Rs. 500 This went on for a few months till i decided to let him have the five hundred rupees. At least he would stop coming. And he never bothered me again. But then yesterday I was informed the chaiwallah who took five hundred rupees from me had died. I thought about him, I think he was honest. Unlike the other chaiwallah who lords over India.

Womania Cops

We in India are living in a police state. In Bihar the only jobs available under Nitish Kumar was the khaki uniform. In some districts there are more police personel than citizens. And many lady cops. Young and untrained but ready to take on their new role. Nitish of course claims women vote only for him. Recently, I visited a local police station and found just a woman cop at 11 am. She informed her male colleagues the other lady cops have gone on strike as they cannot come to office by 10 am. To which the male cops were rather sympathetic. "Haan, sarkar ko unke liye sochna chahiye. Wo 10 baje kaise aa sakteen hain. unhein khana banana hai, phir snaan karna hai, phir naasta karna hai, phir baal sukhana hai, aur scent bhee lagana hai, powder lipstick karke to 12 to baj hee jayega." Outside, in the male lock up a youth slept on the floor, perhaps a petty thief. In the women lockup there were no women, just cartons of alcohol - Seagram!

Why He Climbed His Roof

My car workshop owner is an Indian Muslim. So everytime I go to check on my cars progress he offers me a cup of sweet milk chai and we talk. About politics, Modi, and even the local politicians who line up to get their cars repaired. He specialises in engines particularly. From its roar he can sense what is wrong. He can fine tune it to a hum. Last evening he spoke about how his entire family had once packed their bags to leave for Pakistan. Even the train tickets had been purchased. On the morning they were to leave his grandfather got to know. He refused to leave. Instead he climbed the roof of his tiled house.

Contempt Of Court

It is worrying the way the Supreme Court has held lawyer Prashant Bhushan guilty of Contempt of Court. Clearly, the judges are not happy with his two tweets. But how can two tweets possibly shake the very foundations of the judiciary? Unless those foundations are extremely shaky. Mr. Bhushan is a distinguished Supreme Court lawyer and he often champions public causes. I do not agree with him mostly but I do listen to the points he raises. After all a civil public discourse is what democracy is all about. Under Indian laws truth is no defense in contempt of court. I have often wondered why? My lawyer was a former judge so once I brought this up as to how Indian Contempt of Court rules are open to abuse To my surprise he replied "Judges have hardly punished anyone. You watch Bollywood films for 70 years and the court room scenes are all contempt." If the judges took this up seriously the actor Jitendra would be behind bars for a very long time

Mon-key Baat !

Photo: Manuwant Choudhary

By Manuwant Choudhary

The wall in Ahmedabad is what everyone is talking about but I am more concerned about the walls in Agra !

I think Donald Trump will spend more time in Agra admiring the Taj Mahal built by Mughal Emperor Shah Jahan and perhaps a photo with his lady love Melania.

And to make their visit truly special all Agra residents have been asked to white-wash their walls.

But there is a problem - Monkeys - they sit on the walls and shit on them as well.

Some residents have had to white-wash their walls several times already and they are worried because the monkeys refuse to go away and have even begun speaking like humans.

Monkey Amar: Did you watch the video Trump posted of himself as Bahubali?

Monkey Akbar: Yes. Quite impressive...Do you think he will fly to kashmir and release Omar Abdullah and Mehbooba Mufti?

Monkey Anthony: No no...this Bahubali is only interested in trade...and in hugging Modi...don't expect much.

Monkey Amar: Why? He is so powerful...look at how he talks and walks ...

Monkey Akbar: He says he is more powerful than Modiji.

Monkey Anthony: No no...but he cannot be most powerful because most powerful is Lord Hanuman !

Monkey Amar: Yes, yes..did you see how Arvind Kejriwal just recited the Hanuman Chalisa once and he won the Delhi elections..nearly all seats...even more powerful than Modiji ...

Monkey Akbar: But isn't Melania going to some happiness school built by some terrorist?

Monkey Anthony: Yes yes and why should terrorists be invited to meet Melania and explain happiness..thats why Modiji has struck their names off from the guest list.

Monkey Amar: Bahubali Trump does not like terrorists.....

Monkey Akbar: So you mean he won't go to Shaheen Bagh in Delhi?

Monkey Anthony: Shaheen Bagh? Why should he go there? Is it some Mughal garden??

Monkey Amar : I am more interested in where he stays and what he eats?

Monkey Akbar: He will only eat Dhoklas..because beef is banned in India and he is staying at the 4600 square feet Chanakya Suite in ITC Maurya Hotel...

Monkey Anthony: Who is this Chanakya?

Monkey Akbar: He is some Brahmin who overthrew some ancient government.

Monkey Amar: Yes, yes, the corrupt and most powerful Nandas...but what do governments today call such a person?

Monkey Anthony: Terrorist !