Wednesday, June 17, 2009
India Tests Pakistani Soil !
By Manuwant Choudhary
When Indian Prime Minister Dr. Manmohan Singh returned last night from Russia- to receive him at New Delhi's Indira Gandhi International Airport apart from the usual sycophants were two men in white gowns..no they were not a part of the doctors team to attend to Dr. Singh's heart..but scientists from the agricultural research centre PUSA.
In a clear break from traditions...Dr. Singh did not shake hands with his ministers but he was immediately taken to the airports VVIP lounge accompanied by only the two scientists.
The scientists new task was to carefully take `soil samples' from Dr. Singh's hands since he had shook the hands of Pakistan's President Asif Ali Zardari and then check for terror virus to give Pakistan and the world further and conclusive proof of terrorists in Pakistani soil.
So carefully the scientists got to work.
Manmohan Singh showed them his hands. "Fast do it fast..I've not washed my hands since I shook hands with Mr. Zardari. Plus, I've promised to make every Indian rich in a 100 days."
Scientist 1 , "Sure, Sir. but we have to be careful u know. You are after all the Prime Minister. Your hand is the Congress hand."
Scientist 2, "We were very worried about your Russia visit, sir."
Dr. Singh, "But why?"
Scientist 2, "The last time an Indian Prime Minister went to Russia to talk peace with Pakistan..he never returned alive."
Dr. Singh, "You mean Lal Bahadur Shastri in Takshkent."
Scientist 1, "Yes, yes thats what we mean..plus the Russians told the Indians then that our PM Shastriji died of a heart attack and we were so worried because you do have a heart problem. Shastriji never had a heart problem even."
Dr. Singh, "I understand. I have to take these risks in the national interest. After all if I cannot protect India, who can? See how I embarassed Mr. Zardari by telling him to fight his own terrorists."
Scientist 1, "Sir we will do our best to do the soil test as soon as possible."
The samples taken..to the high-tech lab in PUSA...the scientists secretly get to work. Only thing they did not know that indiavikalp had planned a sting operation.
DISCLAIMER: Indiavikalp carries out this sting operation only to protect all Indians from further terror strikes because we know that the Indian government does not make public any of its reports citing security reasons.
Here is the transcript of what the scientists found.
Scientist 1: "You know I'm really worried doing this test."
Scientist 2: "But why? Just think its like any other soil test. Think its soil from Bihar."
Scientist 1 looking into the microscope: "I can see not one dangerous virus but several."
Scientist 2: "Can't be. Just look carefully. We can't get this wrong. We will look like fools if Pakistan proves us wrong at the United Nations."
Scientist 1: "No, I'm certain there are several. Have a look."
Scientist 2 looking carefully, "Yes, I can see that red virus. It looks like our PM does not use soap to wash his hands. The red virus is from the hand shake of Prakash Karat. See whats happening in Lalgarh. Maoists have attacked the Communists! Could you imagine that ever?"
Scientists 1 "Never. But hats not our mandate. Our inquiry is restricted to looking for only Pakistani terror virus. Maoists are not terrorists. They fight for the people."
Scientist 2, "I can see a sweet virus. Its from our PM shaking hands with Saharad Pawar. But i think the virus came from that NCP MP who murdered his own brother."
Scientist 1" Again you are digressing. We are not given this job to look for the murderers."
Scientist 2, "Ok, Ok I understand. But I cant help it we have to first identify all the viruses. See here is one the Y Virus. Its because of our Prime Minister shaking hands with Sadhu Yadav. How can our country be safe when the Congress Party gives tickets to such persons."
Scientist 1" I agree but lets focus now."
Scientist 2: "I need a break man. But I'm too scared to go for a walk. See what happened to the Indian nuclear scientist. He went for a walk and got killed."
Scientist 1: "Thats because he did not have any nuclear secrets."
Scientist 2, "Yes, yes, thats what they will say if something happens to us. The secrets will go with us."
Scientist 1, "Arre sir, just do our job. God is with us."
Scientist 2, "I still cannot find a terror virus. We are simply wasting our time. We should rather be working to test our own soil to make agriculture viable to reduce greenhouse gases to increase rainfall. See even BJP chief minister from Madhya Pradesh has to pray to god for rains!"
Scientist 1 "You have a point but lets try at least.
After 24 hours ........
Scientist 2: "Yes, I have found a virus which looks foriegn. It looks green so its definitely from the hands of Pakistani President Zardari."
Scientist 1: "It looks dangerous. See how it moves. Everything it touches just explodes just like bombs planted in five star hotels."
Scientist 2: "Let me take photographs of this..Its critical evidence. And if we show it to the terrorist arrested Ajmal Kasab of the Bombay terror attack I am sure he will cry in court again."
Scientist 1 " I still wonder how a photograph can make a terrorist cry."
Scientist 2 "If that is the case they should paste photographs of the Bombay terror attack and 9/11 all over Pakistan and Afghanistan. Imagine all the terrorists crying."
Scietist 1: No, no..terrorists cry only when arrested."
Scientist 2: Kasab I think cried because he's not getting non-vegetarian food and Amitabh Bachan films to watch."
Scientist 1: "Yes, u are right."
Scientist 1: We have to be carefull the media do not get to know of our finding yet."
Scientist 2: But why?
Scientist 1: "The opposition parties will make noises. Just like when secular Nitish Kumar shook hands with communal Narendra Modi."
Scientist 2: "In politics one has to shake hands..even with enemies."
Scientist 1: "But shaking hands is not our culture. The BJP believes in our culture...the Hindu culture."
Scientist 2, "Just don't disturb. I really dont know what this virust is. Our machines here can't decipher exactly. I think we need to fly the scientist from Haffkines Institute in Bombay."'
The same night an Indian Air Force plane flies another scientist from Bombay.
Scientist 2: Welcome.
Scientist 3 " Let me see. Ive brought my own instruments."
Scientist 1: "What is it?"
After carefully carrying out tests Scientist 3 confirms:
"Its the H1N1 virus..popularly called swine flu."
Scientist 2 "But thats from America..."
Scientist 1" Exactly, President Zardari has shaken more American hands..even Obama's. And so for every bomb that explodes in Pakistan he gets a billion dollars."
Scientist 2: "Wish our PM had just done the good old `Namaste' to President Zardari."
Scientist 1: Hey, can u make an emergency call to 10 Janpath and warn Soniaji and Rahulji not to shake hands with our Prime Minister."