Friday, March 30, 2012

Of Maharaja's & Kingfishers



By Manuwant Choudhary

This time I did something to save India's airline industry...instead of taking the 3 paise cheaper train I flew all over the country.

If India's tycoon Vijay Mallya is broke running an airline then I wonder who can run an airline.

And everyday we see India's aviation minister Ajit Singh on national TV threatening Vijay Mallya that he must run at least 5 airplanes otherwise his license will be suspended.

Mallya's accounts have been frozen and everyone from tax authorities to investors want their money back.

And pilots and airline staff have quit en-masse.

I wanted to fly Kingfisher like always but my travel agent booked me on Air India and even though I was travelling within India I would have to fly from the international aiport.

For once I thought I was going to be ok...since the Indian government had pumped in 14000 crores into AIR India.

At the airport I had to go through all kinds of questionares..like what watch I wore and whether I carried foriegn exchange with me and many, many queries....it was worse than flying overseas.

And going through the fancy international airport with all those duty-free shops with no money in my pocket I really felt like err what am I really doing trying to save an airline industry.

An Air India staffer dressed in orange coat & grey skirts...looked not so happy...as though she was waiting for her love...but definitely not passengers..and her coat was like crumpled...

Doesn't AIR India have a dhobi or laundry services?

And as we boarded the plane I found myself entering a plane with no one to greet me...and suddenly I heard voices...airhostesses shouting across..."Someone please Door, Door...Door...Namaste Namste Namaste..."

But No one really came to the door.

I found my agent had booked a nice window seat at the rear...If only I wore a kurta-pyajma I would feel like I was Praful Patel travelling on a private AIRBUS! There were no passngers in the rear half of the plane.

Just then I noticed a young mother with her son looking for their seats and they were just next to mine but the boy wanted a window seat so chivalrous as I am I offered the boy my seat.

The boy was well-brought up and the mother educated and pretty..she knew how to speak to her son. Even in India we don't see such mothers or sons...it reminded me about my own childhood when we flew Indian airlines to Bagdogra...going to a boarding school.

And just when all seemed lost...the airhostess suddenly appeared and chatted up the boy and gave him a game gift...and I could not help but say..""Wow..they still do this..."

In my school days when we would fly Indian Airlines the airhostesses would like fall in love with us in our blue blazers ..and we would be given packets of sweets and even taken inside the cockpits and the pilots would explain how to fly an airplane.

Now this is impossible.

I hate the terrorists for taking away this..from our lives.

But the boy I met in the plane I am sure would head an Indian private company that will not be corrupt and will make India proud.

Air India's airhostesses should just retire but I was really not sure why they looked so unhappy.

Its only a few days later I read that Air India staff were not paid salaries for 5 months.

And AIR India management planned to hire Kingfisher pilots in case their own pilots went on strike.

But why don't they pay their own pilots?

On my air travel I wondered why the Indian government is so smug when they themselves cant run an airline...also is the current crisis only to do with Mallya or the entire industry.

Has India's government taxed the airline industry to death?

And if not Mallya then who will run India private airlines?

I got my answer when I returned to Patna...the BIG news was that the Income Tax department in a raid found 5 crore rupees in a wheat bag from the factory of Vinay Kumar Sinha, a treasurer of the Janata Dal United.

Plus 55 apartments all over the country.

Bihar's Chief Minister Nitish Kumar actually lived in the apartment of Vinay Kumar Sinha for many years until he became Chief Minister.

But when I searched the news item I found only two hits and that too agency reports in the Indian Express.

A muted response to a BIG story.

India today has many, many Vinay Kumar Sinha's & Nitish Kumar's...and they are not afraid of Anna Hazare !

Not Mallya...they are the Kings...(if you want a transfer or posting in Bihar...all you need is a few crores)

And maybe one day if they really feel like it...they will run their own airline.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Its The Nose Dammit !!!


By Manuwant Choudhary

Rahul Gandhi has stopped relying on Digvijay Singh after the Congress Party defeat in Uttar Pradesh so he called me over to find out the real reasons behind the fiasco...imagine losing in Amethi !

Rahul: I can't rely on Congresswala's anymore for advice.

Me: But why Rahulji you have always relied on Congresswala's..look they are so loyal to you and your family.

Rahul: Yes, yes, that I know but I don't mean that....I mean they are too loyal..they tell me I am winning even when I am losing.

Me: But why me? I hate the Congress Party. I think the Congress Party has destroyed India.

Rahul: Yes, yes, we all know that..but for 22 years its these other parties who destroyed UP and UP is bigger than UK!
But I called you because you are the only one who wont mind telling me unpleasant things.

Me: Then am I your friend.

Rahul: No, no, you are definitely not my friend.

Me: Ok, what do you want to know.

Rahul: Just tell me that when I worked so hard why did the people vote for Samajwadi Party?

Me: I think they won because you tore their manifesto at a rally.

Rahul: No, no, no I was told people would like the angry young man look so I did that....

Me: But you see people do not like you tearing paper. Everyone loves reading manifestos...like everyone loves reading Salman Rushdie.

Rahul: What Salman Khurshid?

Me: No, Salman Rushdie the guy whom you have banned from coming to India.

Rahul: But thats because we don't want to hurt Muslim sentiment.

Me: But isn't Salman Rushdie a Muslim.

Rahul: Salman Khurshid doesn't like him just as much as he hates the Election Commission. But tell me why people actually hate us politicians.

Me: That makes you endangered.

Rahul: Yes, yes, I have been slogging to revive people's faith..carrying mud on my head, eating some rice in Dalit homes....throwing lavish ID parties to Muslims...but still I feel they are not voting for me.

Me: But what else have you done to protect the politicians?

Rahul: Apart from Z plus security we also banned liberal parties from contesting elections..only socialists and communists can run in elections.

Me: So why should you be bothered..afterall if you lost another socialist won.

Rahul: No, no...I am upset....these guys may be guided by Baba Ramdev

Me: But who advised you to wear the Muslim beard..I think thats why Baba Ramdev hates the Congress...you should grow it longer like the Baba...

Rahul: No jokes, just tell me why I lost.

Me: I've been thinking..and I think its the nose...

Rahul: What nose?

Me: Didn't you see Akhilesh Yadav..he has a long nose..like a long-nosed Bandicoot...!

Rahul: Errr what? But even Mulayam has a long nose so its like Gen Next...

Me; Yes, Like the new I pad..

Rahul: Yes, yes, but now they say Mulayam lost and Akhilesh won..how can you say that?

Me: Ofcourse you can... Akhilesh's nose is more crooked!