Monday, September 14, 2009
Ants Starve In The Prime Minister's Kitchen!
By Manuwant Choudhary
I got this unusual call, “We are ants who live in the Prime Minister’s kitchen and we would like to give you an exclusive interview.”
I said, “Where do we meet? At the Prime Minister’s Residence?”
Ant A : “No, no, you will never get past the security and besides you are not even a pretty airhostess to even get to the gates!”
Ant A: “We can get past the security because we are tiny. I know there is a hole in the hotline cable to Pakistan PM. We will see you at the Delhi Gymkhana just opposite the PMs House.”
Me, “But journalists don’t come without getting some free booze.”
Ant A: “Ya, ya we thought about that already. We are not Congressmen. You can drink openly at the Gymkhana but you must hear our story. We are about to starve to death!.”
So as I made my way to the Delhi Gymkhana I saw Prannoy Roy, Rajdeep Sardesai, Barkha Dutt, Aroop Ghosh all outside the Prime Minister’s House waiting to get their `exclusive’ interview with the PM. I even noticed Shekhar Gupta nervously practicing his walk for his `Talk The Walk’ interview.
At the Delhi Gymkhana I got my promised drink first and then the interview.
Ant A, “We are very happy you made it. The reason why we’ve called you is that we are about to starve to death.”
Me, “But how and why? You are not some farmers in Vidarbha. You are ants and you live …welll…errr…in the Prime Ministers House.”
Ant B, “Yah it was all fine but suddenly last week things changed.”
Ant C, “When two foreign ministers S.M. Krishna and Shashi Tharoor were ordered to vacate their 5 Star rooms.”
Me. “What has that to do with ants? They were asked to vacate their 5 Star rooms because the Congress Party believes in an austerity drive….”
Ant C, “You don’t understand us. After that incident things have changed even in the Prime Minister’s kitchen. Earlier, Dr. Manmohan Singh’s wife and cooks would leave the sugar jars open and so we had no food problem. There were also sugar on the floor. But now suddenly we can’t find even one particle on the floor. What do we eat?”
Me, “Ahh, now I get it. But is it because the Prime Minister has diabetes so no sugar is allowed in the house or is it because Sugar is Gold?”
Ant B, “You should not comment about a persons health. That is a private matter. Besides, you now see how the PM is stronger than Advani."
Me, “No but even Time magazine dissected Vajpayees anatomy…from his brain to knees…what not..cover story.”
Ant C, “Yah its okay to talk about health as long as there is a public interest involved. In cour case the Prime Minister not eating sugar means we all die.”
Me, “But that is socialism. Austerity..spending less…see even Sonia Gandhi is traveling to Bombay economy class..and Rahulji takes a First Class AC train to Ludhiana (Does Ludhiana have an airport?)…They are all sacrificing so much for this country. All TV channels say so..even passengers in the planes and trains. Afterall Soniaji, Rahulji and all Congressmen aare `Aam Aaadme’.
Ant B, “But can you explain this socialism bullshit? Isn’t socialism about making people equal? And if Shashi Tharoor was spending his own money in a 5 Star Hotel would that not make him poorer? And now that he stays at a Navy Guest House, he will become richer, unless Sonia Gandhi asks him to donate all his money to the Rajiv Gandhi Foundation.”
Me, “You don’t understand all this…the Indian voter does. Socialism is not what it is …but what it seems.”
Ant A, “I think you are complicating issues. We are telling you a simple truth that we are going to die because we get no sugar in the Prime Minister’s kitchen.”
Me, “But there is a sugar crisis in the country. Look at the Prices….and in festivals that are around it will be Rs.100 a kilo!. Can’t you talk to the Prime Minister himself and say you are `aam aadmee’.
Ant A, “We are not aam aadmee..we are not even aam ants ..because we live in New Delhi in the Prime Minister’s House. Its better than 5 Star Hotels…Lutyen designed it himself.”
Me, “Who is aam ant then?’
Ant A, “Aam ants are those who live in Bihar and drown in the floods every year.”
Ant B, “You have no idea to what extend Manmohan Singh can go..Let me tell you..its an exclusive …I heard the PM tell his wife he plans to sell the BMW…and instead walk to parliament everyday…that’s why you saw Shkehar Gupta waiting nervously….Shekhar has been asked to walk with the PM everyday!”
Ant A, “I wonder why there is a sugar crisis in the first place?”
Ant B, “I read the other day that Soniaji has written a letter to Sharad Pawar to send her some sugar.”
Ant C, “Exactly, you see Sharad Pawar controls all the sugar in the country.”
Me, “Simple, why don’t you all just shift to 10 Janpath for a few days. You see all the sugar is with Soniaji…see how hordes of Congressmen swarm outside her gates like bees to a queen bee….even RJDs Laloo goes to her.”