Wednesday, October 26, 2016

INS Viraat - War Games On The High Sea (2)


By Manuwant Choudhary

The giant INS Viraat is the real `mothership' and not what Modi was talking about.

Actually Narendra Modi cannot offend even the word `mother' so in describing Pakistan, he, at the last second, called it the `mothership' of terror.

But on INS Viraat even an ant can feel the power.

The aircraft carrier is huge and you don't feel sea sickness at all.

When it sails..it has speed...a momentum that you know you can easily finish Karachi and more.

An aircraft carrier is not for defence, but offence, so every time our politicians tell us how we buy arms only for our self-defence, remember this.

Yet, as I looked out at the the blue as far as one could see, my respect for the fishermen who live at the Machchimaar Nagar, Cuffe Parade in Bombay, grew even more...so far away from India's coastline, there they were fishing in the deep waters.

The small boats tossed against the waves...and their communication systems may have been rudimentary at best.

Just to earn a living.

A naval exercise of this scale requires international permissions so that commercial liners don't use this area.

But  getting the smaller fishing boats out of the way is the real challenge.

So helicopters, equipped with loud speakers, make the final sorties warning  all boats to leave the area.

The other thing is protection to the aircraft carrier itself.



So there were eight war ships on either side. with warrior names ....like INS Ranbir..equipped with the best guns to prevent any enemy ship to get within range.

Its deafening so they gave us ear plugs...

I walked around the top deck taking the photos when senior officers were not looking....behaving like a pro....

The sunrise and the sunsets are beautiful..so complete...unobstructed by any man-made `developments'.

I don't think one can feel this way even on an expensive luxury liner.

And then the night...

Its scary..the sound of a ship moving into the darkness at a speed measured in Knots.

The sounds were poetic of the Tennyson kind in `The Charge Of The Light Brigade'

"Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon in front of them
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of hell
Rode the six hundred.

 We were given the best rooms, meant for the pilots, it had iron beds and a small basin in the corner, just enough to move but not stretch.

I thought of the pilots in wartime !

When at some unworldly hour we were woken-up and without even getting a chance to wash up, we had to get on the deck...climbing steep iron ladders virtually up a chimney...

It must be 2 am.

No fishing boats around..

And there we were ..

Then a Boom !

A flash of lightening.

A ship alongside fired a missile...

And within a few seconds another ship fired another missile.

We could see one missile chase the other...

Until, in the distant, we got see the second missile hit the first.

An explosion...just a dot...(faster than any camera to catch)...

 An extra-terestrial experience, more like a collision of comets.














Aboard INS Viraat - A Journey On The High Seas (1)


By Manuwant Choudhary

Its funny how one suddenly remembers something... It can be anything...someone..or simply a journey.

Two days ago I kept thinking about my trip aboard India's aircraft carrier the INS Viraat, so I searched the net and got latest news reports of the Indian navy decommissioning the old lady - age 57 years.

INS Viraat is even in the Guinness Book of Records as being the oldest aircraft carrier in the world.

Viraat is the Sanskrit word for Giant, India had purchased the HMS Hermes from Britain in 1987 after its illustrious career of 27 years that includes the Falkland Wars.



In the early 1990's as I worked as a reporter in Bombay I got a call from the Public Relations office of the Indian army, "Would you like to visit  Kashmir - as a guest of the Indian army?".

The catch - all reports would have to go through the military intelligence censors - word by word - before being published.

I declined.

So some months later I got another offer...a trip aboard INS Viraat - India's aircraft carrier.

Journalists have a term for such trips - its called a `junket' - where you go have a good time and if you are really kind you write a smallish report.

But the PRO this time knew I would never go if they censor our reports.

So he said, "We will not censor your report this time. Is that OK? But no photographers please.."

So I asked him, "Can I at least take my own camera?"

He replied, "No, thats against the rules...We will have an official photographer onboard."

So I told him, "Then I will not go."

He again pleaded, "Ok you can take a small Hotshot camera."

I said, "But I don't have a small camera. Mine is a BIG Canon..."

Very reluctantly, "Ok bring it along but I have not told you anything. Is that clear?"

I said, "Clear".

So I found myself onboard a naval vessel and for hours we tossed on the Arabian Sea...
and then we were taken on a Westland helicopter to INS Viraat...

My editor Behram Contractor, I recall, did not like the idea...he knew it was a junket...a joy ride..no serious journalist would go.

He was right.

The helicopter ride I remember felt like a tractor !








Saturday, October 22, 2016

Exclusive - Inside Karan Johar's New Film Minus Fawad Khan !


By Manuwant Choudhary

Now its final - Karan Johar will never cast Fawad Khan or any other beauty from Pakistan - but he is faced with a task - finding a Fawad Khan replacement for his new film.

So a much pressured Karan called me over to brainstorm...

As I entered his plush bungalow with those green carpets and staircase leading to the floor above, he greeted me -

Karan: Bharat Mata Ki Jai !

Me: Common ya, you can just say Hi, no need for all that...

Karan: Are you mad? This is Mumbai, not Bombay...everyone has to say it. Just like you have to stand before every film when the national anthem plays.

Me: I do not mean disrespect but is it true that people in Mumbai are the only patriots in India, no national anthem is played elsewhere...

Karan: I am a peace loving guy and who wants all this ruckus...so just do what you are told..and Bharat Mata Ki Jai !

Me: Lets get to the point why have you called me?



Karan: I can't get a replacement for Fawad Khan...

Me: You mean you want me to replace Fawad Khan...I have no class....I am not from Lahore or Islamabad..I am from goddam Bihar...

Karan: Thats besides the point. You can't even act...

Me: Thank God ! Imagine having to dance with Sonam Kapoor !



Karan: Can you suggest names?

Me: (Thinking hard)..How about Dilip Kumar?

Karan: He is from Pakistan...he even got their highest civilian award...and he is too old..I need someone like macho Fawad Khan...

Me: The only evergreen actor is Dev Anand...

Karan: Again NO, even he is from Pakistan....and isn't he dead?

Me: Ok, ok, how about the three Khans...Shahrukh, Saif and Aamir...

Karan: I don't want to take any more risks with that surname...

Me: Has anyone threatened you..they are Indian, not Pakistani...

Karan: What happened To My Name Is Khan?

Me: I can tell you Bollywood is really short of decent actors...how about Tiger?

Karan: You really want me to get kicked out of India like M.F. Husain? Tiger Memon you suggest the guy who bombed Mumbai and got his passport in two hours !

Me: No, no I never meant him....even he may be in Pakistan....I was suggesting Tiger Shroff..see how he romances with Disha Patani - starts kicking all around her. - he is definitely better than Fawad..

Karan: I need someone politically correct...

Me: Ok how about Dr. Manmohan Singh  - the loyalist.

Karan: He is also from Pakistan.

Me: L.K. Advani??

Karan: He is also from Pakistan?

Me:  Raj Thackeray?

Karan: But his chest size is not 56 inches...

Me: You want Modi then?

Karan: I already asked him but he is too busy with China, US, Russia and Pakistan...

Me: Pappu Yadav....





Friday, October 21, 2016

The Hindu Guarding A Church


By Manuwant Choudhary

Bachcha Singh is not a big man...he is simply a private security guard at the Christ Church near Patna's Gandhi maidan, established in 1852 its the oldest Church in Patna with ties to the Church of England.

Its located on the eastern side of Patna's Gandhi maidan and you can see its steeple rise high above the giant hoardings, it looks pristine amongst the unplanned, haphazard urban landscape we call `Smart'.

So I felt like visiting Jesus but wasn't sure about its timings.

The guard Bachcha Singh informed that prayers are held on Sundays from 7 am to 12 noon.

I told him I wasn't a Christian so could I visit and this led to him talking about religion, morals and his own life.

It was so different from what the country's `chowkidaar' and the RSS preach.


Bachcha Singh, "Sir, people come here to pray because they want `Shanti' (peace) and all religions are the same in that sense. There is no difference."

"But to have peace you also need to keep a few things in mind".

I asked him what, "Life is like a candle...today is gone...it will never come back and your life on this earth is only getting shorter..so what do you want to do with your life of what remains?"

"Two things once they leave never come back, one is life itself (Praan) and the other is a promise. Don't make a promise but if you do then give your life for it."

He went on, "But what I have just told you is not the easy path....your nearest ones can get in the way. Too much of friendships and too much enmity are both dangerous."

I asked him like what, "You may have decided to spend your life with your wife but what happens when she fights with you if you don't give her money. The India today has changed. Before I could educate my younger brothers and my wife would support me, now she will say why don't you save money for your own children?"

"Sir, more people get killed in the villages than on the border, for land and even smaller disputes."

He then told me about how he became a security guard,

"I wanted to join the army..selection ho bhee jaata..but my father refused to pay Rs.4,000 bribe money....Had he paid that then like so many jawans I would have retired and would be getting a pension."

"Now I earn Rs.6,500 a month and I have children to educate and a daughter to marry."

His face then lit up.

"But sir, I am standing at this church and I know God looks after me...because even with me being so poor I managed to get my daughter married. The first family I approached they agreed. The expenses for marriage is high...some I had saved others my former officers where I worked they helped me out. For me this is a miracle."

He then spoke about the middle path....almost like Buddha...its not good to create enemies..its better to walk in the middle.....

Just then a loaded cart  sped out of the Church gate and Bachcha Singh had to shout, "Hey, you stop..what are you trying to steal !"




In French, the trait that best describes Indian politicians