By Manuwant Choudhary
Now its final - Karan Johar will never cast Fawad Khan or any other beauty from Pakistan - but he is faced with a task - finding a Fawad Khan replacement for his new film.
So a much pressured Karan called me over to brainstorm...
As I entered his plush bungalow with those green carpets and staircase leading to the floor above, he greeted me -
Karan: Bharat Mata Ki Jai !
Me: Common ya, you can just say Hi, no need for all that...
Karan: Are you mad? This is Mumbai, not Bombay...everyone has to say it. Just like you have to stand before every film when the national anthem plays.
Me: I do not mean disrespect but is it true that people in Mumbai are the only patriots in India, no national anthem is played elsewhere...
Karan: I am a peace loving guy and who wants all this ruckus...so just do what you are told..and Bharat Mata Ki Jai !
Me: Lets get to the point why have you called me?
Karan: I can't get a replacement for Fawad Khan...
Me: You mean you want me to replace Fawad Khan...I have no class....I am not from Lahore or Islamabad..I am from goddam Bihar...
Karan: Thats besides the point. You can't even act...
Me: Thank God ! Imagine having to dance with Sonam Kapoor !
Karan: Can you suggest names?
Me: (Thinking hard)..How about Dilip Kumar?
Karan: He is from Pakistan...he even got their highest civilian award...and he is too old..I need someone like macho Fawad Khan...
Me: The only evergreen actor is Dev Anand...
Karan: Again NO, even he is from Pakistan....and isn't he dead?
Me: Ok, ok, how about the three Khans...Shahrukh, Saif and Aamir...
Karan: I don't want to take any more risks with that surname...
Me: Has anyone threatened you..they are Indian, not Pakistani...
Karan: What happened To My Name Is Khan?
Me: I can tell you Bollywood is really short of decent actors...how about Tiger?
Karan: You really want me to get kicked out of India like M.F. Husain? Tiger Memon you suggest the guy who bombed Mumbai and got his passport in two hours !
Me: No, no I never meant him....even he may be in Pakistan....I was suggesting Tiger Shroff..see how he romances with Disha Patani - starts kicking all around her. - he is definitely better than Fawad..
Karan: I need someone politically correct...
Me: Ok how about Dr. Manmohan Singh - the loyalist.
Karan: He is also from Pakistan.
Me: L.K. Advani??
Karan: He is also from Pakistan?
Me: Raj Thackeray?
Karan: But his chest size is not 56 inches...
Me: You want Modi then?
Karan: I already asked him but he is too busy with China, US, Russia and Pakistan...
Me: Pappu Yadav....
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