Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Exploring The C******* of Mangalayam (Mars) !


By Manuwant Choudhary

Like NDTV's Science Correspondent Pallava Bagla I managed to get exclusive access to ISRO's celebrations as the Mars Orbiter Mission successfully entered the Martian orbit.

I found India's Prime Minister Narendra Modi using this rather large telescope to admire the red planet.

And there were so many smiling scientists....(scientists are usually very serious)...trying to smile more than Modi.

ISRO's explorer tweeted Howdy and NASA's responded by a Namaste...

I spoke to the  scientists on the sidelines why this is such an important mission....

Aryabhatta 1: This was so critical because the US said they cannot grant Mr. Modi a US visa directly but they would do so if he came via Mars !

Me: But Mars..thats very far.....these Americans are so unreasonable....is that the reason Mr. Modi compared the Mangalayan Mission to making a Hollywood film...

Aryabhatta 2: No, no, he meant only in terms of money spent..you see we have spent 450 crores on this mission while the Americans spend more on making just one film...

Me: But surely 450 crores is not a small amount..imagine how many crores of toilets could have been built in India....and women would not have to defecate in the open...

Aryabhatt 3: No, no, Modiji cares about women...so much..that is why this Mission is called MOM !

Me: You mean you have named it after Modiji's MOM or Rahulji's MOM ?

Aryabhatta4 : Basically, all MOMs...

Me: You mean Nawaz Sharief's MOM also...Is this also a Maa-Bete ki Sarkar?

Aryabhatta 5: No, no..all MOMs except Pakistani !

Aryabhatta 6: See we beat them...again....we have joined the elite club while they are busy doing dharnas like Kejriwalji and Long Marches....

Me: But what difference will this really make....

Aryabhatta 7: This will make Modiji more powerful.

Me: But Modiji is already very powerful like Indiraji....see the way he abolished the Planning Commision, the Electoral College and now he is planning to abolish all laws more than 25 years old !

Aryabhatta 8: Actually, we knew Modiji is coming to power so we built this in a record time..see how Modiji will address the UN now..with his head proudly held high...

Me: You mean like Xi-Jingping.....

Aryabhatta 9: More....

Me: But I heard him talking more about Gandhiji and Jharu..he said he plans to clean up India starting October 2. Do our scientists have a satellite to clear garbage...Imagine India's PM will have to sweep the streets...

Aryabhatta 10: We are working on that too....but need a few billion dollars...

Me: Money is not a problem...Can you clean the Ganga too....this Supreme Court is troubling Modiji about Ganga too...

Aryabhatta 11: Yes, yes, we  can do that too....



Me:  I am simply amazed at your powers....but congratulations on this...by the way how is Chandrayan? And what are you really looking for on Mars? Martians??

Aryabhatta 12: No, no,,we are looking and looking....and looking...

Aryabhatta 13: Mars is very beautiful...

Me: Its red...so looks nice from a distance..but surely like the moon it has those dark spots when u look closely...

Aryabhatta 14: No, no,,,we see its beauty...

Me: What beauty?

Aryabhatta 15: Curves...

Me: What are you talking about?

Aryabhatta 16: Don't you read whats trending?

Me: You mean on social media?

Aryabhata 17: Yes, yes, but also you don't even read headlines in newspapers?

Me: What headlines?

Aryabhatta 18: Even CNN and BBC are running stories....

Me: You mean on Mars...

Aryabhatta 19: Naa. naaa...you are too intrusive...let me just look at the photos...

Me: You mean the photos MOM is sending...

Aryabhatta 20: No, no..you don't understand...we are looking at photos in the newspaper...

Me: The creavice on Mars?

Aryabhatta 21: No, just cleavage...but we have to be careful not to put any arrows there..because that would upset Deepika Padukone.....

Me: Ah, that old lady of Boribunder is just so jealous of Deepika....


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