No Heroes (5) - Why I Prefer Jungle Raj !

By Manuwant Choudhary

Everytime elections are announced....at least briefly Jungle Raj ends...the Indian government send their troops from our borders to Bihar...

The impact of this on our daily lives, economy and democracy is crippling.

Bihar is under undeclared curfew these weeks.

This is something not reported in the media.

But the checking of vehicles is so drastic that even businessmen cannot go about their activities.

Some say the 12 crore rupees confiscated are not from politicians but from businessmen.

Clearly, politicians spend much much more than that.

With so much checking I decided to check if my papers were in order and discovered that my driving licence had expired in March !

So for the past week I have been commuting on a rickshaw.

The humble rickshaw has its own place in Bihar politics.

Otherwise why would Laloo and Nitish travel on them now and then and offer photo opps !

Ofcourse for VOTES !

Votes of the poor.

So everytime I take a rickshaw I ask them how they are doing, about their lives, where they come from and who they think will win this time.

One  said, "I will vote after seeing which way the village votes."

Another, "I will vote after our family has taken the decision together."

Many rickshaw-wallahs have been around for decades..so for some democracy itself has lost its facination...

"Saheb, I have seen so many chief ministers in my 40 years in this city and they are all the same. Not just chief ministers..all our politicians....there was just one politician who could have done something for the poor..he wore only a dhoti....but they killed him...Gandhiji...."

There was an anger in his eye.

Yet, when I alighted he did a namaste with so much respect that one does not see these days.

The paramilitary in Bihar are obtrusive...they tell even women to get off from their cars....

Its like an election under military rule.

You don't see flags atop houses, hardly any campaigning...none door-to-door....

Just large rallies addressed by larger-than-life polticians (who get threatened by even Shatrughan Sinha)...

And yes the hoarding war....

But even that ends in Patna.

As you travel out in the country you will not see a single flag.

And this election is going to drag on for over a month.

Forget the package, let Biharis carry on with their lives ....and Bihar will be better....even in Jungle Raj!

No Heroes (4) - Fahmida Riaz recites `Tum To Hum Jaise Nikle'

No Heroes (3) - Buddha & Beef...

By Manuwant Choudhary

Prince Siddharth left his kingdom in Nepal to become a bhikhsu (monk) and went out in search of truth.

For years he wandered in the forests.

It is only after long hours of isolation and deep meditation that he learned about the truths.

But he still had no followers...

It was only after sometime a few learnt of his special powers that he got five disciples.

Now the rule for a monk is that he must go to the first house with his begging bowl and eat the food only once in a day.

So one day when the Buddha went to seek alms...he knocked on a door...an old lady emerged and put something in his bowl.

To the horror of Buddha's disciples...they saw the food in the bowl -  beef.

But what shocked them even more is when they see Buddha eat the beef.

They were fully convinced that the Buddha was a fake messiah...how could he eat beef when he himself preached non-violence.

The disciples were angry and they left the Buddha.

It is only when the Buddha's powers spread far and wide that the disciples returned but still not convinced.

So they asked the Buddha why he had eaten beef that day.

The Buddha replied,

"I ate beef because I could see that it was the only food the poor lady had in her house and instead of eating herself she offered me that food..what could be more loving and kind...in fact my refusal to eat beef that day would be violence...."

No Heroes (2) - Politics In The Cow Belt !

By Manuwant Choudhary

This election security in Patna is beefed-up.

And there he is...India's No.2  Amit Shah clambering up the staircase of 4 star Maurya Hotel.

In the BJP Shah is a big man...even literally.

And after BJP MP R.K. Singh's allegations that tickets are being sold, I wonder what was in the suitcases.

But then I also wondered how months ago Laloo predicted on television what the BJP plans to do in Bihar...spread rumours about pork and beef....only to benefit in elections.

Perhaps they could not do it in Bihar so now they have done it in UP...killing a man on rumours that he ate beef.

But I am more interested in what Amit Shah eats.

And Narendra Modi.

Besides, is killing a man a vegetarian thing to do?

Narendra Modi says only he can develop Bihar.

So I was curious what his vision is for the state.

Will he implement his Gujarat model on Bihar?

But that he has already done for India and Bihar is a part of India, I think.

So I actually  read the BJP's 10 point program for Bihar.

And No.1 on the list was to set up a cow breeding centre in Bihar.

Is that a vision for Bihar in the 21st C?

Is Bihar going to be happy with just cows and cow dung and selling their milk cheap to government owned companies?

You can't get rich with cows unless you are Laloo Yadav.

And why Laloo is ahead even here...he told the Income Tax dept. in the disproportionate assets case how he got two cows in his dowry and they became 300 !

So I met the Maurya chef to find out Amit Shah's diet.

Me: Aah now I know why Shah stays at Maurya its because of you..

Chef: No, no, not because of me..all top shots..even Modi they stay here...but I cant tell you what they eat.

Me: Do they eat hot jalebis..dipping in sugar syrup! Ah gimme some pls..

Chef: No, no it is against our company policy to tell you what VVIPs eat?

Me: I can understand the security and all that but surely a Rossogolla is a Rossogolla not a bomb!

Chef:  I am not telling you...not even what Shatrughan Sinha eats.

Me: Ya I was coming to that...Shatru definitely eats something the BJP wallahs don't eat...he gets away with criticising the Leader....

Chef: Shatruji is our permanent guest.

Me: But I thought he has a home in Patna...

Chef: Our food is better than home food....so he stays here..

Me: Exactly, do you cook everything in ghee?

Chef: I can't tell you even that...

Me: Do you use multinational ghee or Ramdev babe ghee?

Chef: You want even ghee to be banned, like Maggi?

Me:  Katju is come out on his diet..."I Eat Beef", surely you can tell me what Shah eats.

Chef: No, never. You guys in the media will say we cook in Dalda?

Me: No, no, Dalda was banned a long ago when they found out it had cow fat in it?
But tell me about Modi-Shah...diet...they look so good together on the posters...white beard & black beard...

Chef: Their beard has got nothing with what they eat.

Me: I want to know what they eat is because they talk so much.

Chef: Ok, I will give you a hint like Amitabh Bachan...What is the opposite of Khokhla (Empty)...

Me: Aah...yes..yes...(thinking hard) Is it Dhokla ?

LETS BAN DHOKLA

No Heroes In Indian Politics (1)

By Manuwant Choudhary

Just like the film `Hero' where all are villains, so it is with Indian politics.

I watched the film `Hero' and soon realised that it really had no heroes.

Promoted under the Salman Khan banner...the film is a birthday gift to Sooraj Pancholi, yes the same person who was Jiah Khan's boyfreind at the time she died mysteriously.

Bollywood has like one real murder mystery every ten years but nobody really solves it..life and the parties just go on...

Does anybody remember Divya Bharti?

Of course, the Sheena Bora murder case has overtaken Bollywood but then we do live in the age of television.

Coming back to Hero the film is about how a `Goonda's' son falls in love with a police inspector's daughter....but soon you realise that even the police are just the same `Goons in uniform'.

I waited and waited for Salman but after three hours with the titles rolling there he was singing `Ki Main Hoon Tera Hero".



No, no, definitely not.

Not even him.

In Salman's next  movie he will make even Indrani Mukherjea look like a Saint wronged....

I thought Bollywood is so much like our politics.

Look at whats happening in Bihar.

The mahagatbandhan is actually just a gatbandhan now...Mulayam has walked out..the Communists are on their own...

Nitish is alone on the posters.

Laloo says he just wants his sons to win.

And Laloo's Jungle Raj is better than the BJP Mangal Raj.

12 crore rupees have already been caught in Bihar.....

And Ram Vilas Paswan...it is his son Chirag....but a report today showed his village has no electricity even today...`Chiarg Tale Andhera'....

Its your caste versus mine or your religion against mine.

And the only alternative is one Pappu Yadav !