A `SHORTS' PROTESTOR AGAINST FLOODS GETS LIFE THREATS

`PLEASE, JUST MAKE WAY FOR WATER TO FLOW'

By Manuwant Choudhary

Before the river Kosi `pralaya', areas in Patna like Kankarbagh and posh areas like Patliputra had been under water for months and there was no sign of any municipality or the Bihar government until one citizen decided to protest, and being a journalist he decided to do it his way, so he walked into the chief ministers presser wearing shorts!

The chief minister Nitish Kumar asked him, "Kyon Sanjayji...aisa bhes kyon banaye hain...(Why Sanjayji why are you dressed in shorts?

Sanjayji, "Sir, shayad aap shaher mein nahin nikalte...shaher ke adhiktar log aise hee shorts pahanne par majboor hain kyonki unke ilaake mein paanee laga hai...(Sir, it seems you do not travel on Patna's roads....most citizens are wearing shorts due to the waterlogging in their areas."

The chief minister called the Disaster Management secretary an IAS Mr.S. Siddarth, who is introduced as being an IIM graduate.

The chief minister orders that the water from Sanjay Jha's house be drained out immediately.

The secretary calls Sanjay and shows him a satellite image of Patna but when Sanjay asks him to google to his locality the IIM grad fails to find his area.

So Sanjay just gives him his address and a map of the drains in his locality which if cleared would drain the water.
The work is completed in a month.

But today after being a regular reader of indiavikalp...Sanjay sends me an SOS e-mail..that he has been getting threats so if I could see him.

So I actually went to a flood-ravaged Kankarbagh and with open drains still clogged, roads totally washed away and parks with muck and dried-up trees..I dont need to visit the Kosi belt.

Sanjayji is a very senior journalist having worked with India Today for decades.
Today he told me his story.

"You know why I quit my job with India Today in New Delhi to work in a new newspaper Aaj Samaj which has no presence in Bihar. For the past 32 years my home in Kankerbagh was flooded with just an hour of rains. So last year when my area was flooded again every day my wife would call me up in Delhi and cry....I could feel her pain..and so I quit my job to solve this problem once and for all. My children could not even play.."

So todays article in Aaj Samaj is about Sanjay's pain and his empathy with the flood victims in the Kosi region.

He writes, "I want to know from India's Prime Minister whether he can ensure that every paisa of the thousand crores will reach the flood victims."

"I want to know why contractors, municipality, politicians have a nexus and why they all block the path of the water in Kankerbagh and Kosi.."

Said Sanjay, "You know forget those hundreds of kilometres under flood by the Kosi..the drains in Kankerbagh are clogged purposefully. When I saw that even the chief ministers orders do not have immediate impact....one day I overheard a conversation that made me sit up and take note. One person was asking the other as to what happened to that scooterwallah with the umbrella who fell in the gutter yesterday?"

"I immediately found a shovel and began clearing the drain near my house, even using my bare hands, and within hours the water cleared. I saw a bulldozer returning after clearing a drain..I made him return and clear it for a third time because he had not done his job."

"But now I have been threaned by contractors in the area and imagine the government gives them contracts to build parks in areas that are under water!!!"

When I called up my mother who was in New Delhi she was overjoyed, "My son has become an engineer without getting a degree."

She told me something I never knew, "That is the drain in which I fell and almost drowned once."

Flood Waters Rise in Madhepura Town

By Manuwant Choudhary

Flood waters from the river Kosi are steadiliy rising in Madhepura town with water entering even homes which were safe two days ago.

Only two days ago the home of Debashish Bose in Madhepura was dry but last night when I spoke to him he said, "I have 2 feet water in my home now....the situation is bad."

Just two days ago Debashish was busy with relief work, feeding the poor from his home, now he is also a victim of floods.

There is no electricity, his BSNL telephone does not ring anymore and even he does not know how long his cellphone will work.

He has already packed up his computers and he will be now filing fewer stories and photos for the world to see. (Debashish is a stringer with TV channels and All India Radio)

But when I spoke to him he did not seem to be leaving, just yet.

And like him there are lakhs of people in the flood region who are braving the Kosi but not going anywhere, because Bihar is home...their only home.

A Flood of Tears

But why my chief minister smiles?

By Manuwant Choudhary

A flood of tears…. as the river of sorrow Kosi swallows 1598 villages and some 2.7 million people are marooned, officially 12 days after the disaster only 200,000 persons have been rescued to safety.

The above figures are from the National Disaster Management which has woken up to the tragedy after 11 days and only after India’s Prime Minister Dr. Manmohan Singh declared the floods a national calamity offering a thousand crores for flood and relief work.

If you’ve been watching television you would perhaps not have seen such a human tragedy for basic survival before ….victims carry a single box on their heads and wade through water without food or water and while they walk you can even see a tear in their eye.

But I am still trying to understand that in all this why does my chief minister smile?

Even when he announced `paralaya’ or `the end of the world’ on television, he smiled at the end of it.

He does it more often now. Like in one interview in the Times of India he even joked, “I love Barh (his Lok Sabha Constituency, so barh (floods) love me.”

And soon after the floods being declared a national calamity, only yesterday a large advertisment in a national newspaper announced the chief ministers main program of the day…a Khel Yojna program for sportspersons perhaps competing with India’s President Pratibha Patil who had her own program for sports awardees in New Delhi.

So while Nitish says its pralaya, Ram Vilas Paswan says its Mahaparalaya and Laloo says it’s a Tsunami!

But only 1491 boats are taking people to safety and for Bihar’s politicians its business as usual.

On live TV the distress shows when people call up and say they are being robbed in the middle of a swollen Kosi by armed dacoits!

Even after an all-party meeting they are not telling their people why they have failed.

So I tried to find out.

And this is what I have found.

I wondered why in such a flood no television channel or newspaper reporter is questioning Bihar’s water resources minister Bijendar Yadav.

Bihar faces a paralaya, mahaparalaya or Tsunami not just because of the embankments perennial neglect but also because this time the job of repairing the embankment was given to a Ganpat Yadav from Tulapatti in Supaul. And he did not do his job.

But no action was taken against Ganpat Yadav because Ganpat Yadav is the brother-in-law of Bihar’s Water Resources Minister Bijendar Yadav.

Says Chandan, a resident of Madhepura, “We know that Ganpat Yadav was given the contract to repair the embankment between 12.30 to 12.90 near the Bhimnagar Barrage and that’s the embankment that collapsed."

“The work should have been completed latest by May when the water discharge is low in the Kosi but he did not do it and only on August 16, two days before disaster struck, he files an FIR in Supaul saying the Nepalese have prevented him from repairing the embankment.”

He says, “Now Supaul is 80 kms away from the place of occurrence. He should have filed a case at Birpur police station which is just 10 kms away from the place of occurrence at Kusaha.”

In fact, on the first day the break in the embankment was only 60 metres, on the second day it was 600 metres and now its 2 kms wide and its moving steadily towards the Kosi barrage, only 7 kms away.

And why did it happen? Perhaps, the silt deposits were so high at the barrage that the pressure on the embankments before the dam grew over the years.

The river Kosi shifts 120 kms and floods heavily populated districts in Bihar in the middle of the night.

I know why my chief minister smiles.

But I am still trying to find out what is a national calamity?

On the government of India’s website, there is no urgency..just another statement on the floods from the PM.

But on Congress Party’s official website there is just Sonia Gandhi and her interviews with Barkha Dutt, Rajdeep Sardesai etc, etc..why she does not want to be India’s PM.

On the BJP website, L.K. Advani, the leader of the opposition’s statement demanding that Bihar’s floods be declared a national calamity and how even floods in Assam and the north-east should be on the national agenda for a permanent solution.

Mr. Advani praises the NDA chief minister Nitish Kumar and deputy Sushil Kumar Modi.

So we know why the PM-in-waiting has still not visited Bihar.

The JD (U) does not have a website.

And like all things unofficial…Laloo’s RJD has an unofficial wbsite with official addresses and telephone numbers of RJD leaders.

Shiv Sena’s website is under construction, while Raj is busy looking for Marathi names for lingerie shops in Mumbai.

It takes India’s PM 11 days to decide Bihar’s floods are a national calamity.

Will it also take him so many days to declare war if attacked by Pakistan?

So it takes 11 days for this national calamity to become headline news.

The Times of India, Hindustan Times, The Hindu all finally got the PM’s nod for giving Bihar their front pages.

Indian Express did not have Bihar on their front pages at least not on the internet edition that I saw.

And The Telegraph from Calcutta had Singur..while The Statesman had a story on Rahul Gandhi wiping dust from his grandfather, Firoz Gandhi’s, grave in Allahabad.

NDTV 24/7 had Burkha Dutt anchor the 9 p.m. news and the terrorist hold-up in Jammu was her main story.

NDTV profit had Singur where top industrialists like Ambani, Godrej and Birla support the Tata’s in Singur, and the anchor even agreed with them.

Hindi channels had floods but with more music and drama, not leaving any scope for Prakash Jha to make a film.

But within a day…all reporters have become astrologers with Shani entering God Knows where?

Blame it all on the system or Shani.

I know why my chief minister smiles.

20 killed in boat capsize in flooded Bihar

At least 20 persons are reported to have drowned when a government boat carrying out rescue work in Murliganj village in flooded Madhepura capsized.

32 persons inluding army jawans and a policeman are among the rescued, but eight persons are still traceless and there is no confirmation whether they have swum to safety or been swollowed by the kosi.

Reports on ETV Bihar by relatives and even flood victims calling up the news channels for help when no government help comes for the entire day only shows the distress level amongst those marooned.

One person called from Saharsa to say that his relatives are currently being robbed at gunpoint as they were fleeing the floods in a private boat. He demanded on live TV, "The Bihar government should order `shoot at sight' against the robbers who are taking advantage of this situation."

BIHAR DROWNS, SURVIVORS STARVE IN WORST FLOODS

BUT EVEN TEN DAYS LATER POLITICIANS JUST DO AERIAL SURVEYS

By Manuwant Choudhary

Ten days after the river Kosi breaks an embankment in Nepal drowning half of Bihar, India’s Prime Minister Dr. Manmohan Singh undertakes an aerial survey, but now the sight of the helicopters only angers starving flood victims who have swum to safety on their own onto roads, bridges and railway tracks.

They want food.

They want drinking water.

And they want boats.

Boats to rescue the lakhs of people marooned and drowning in the torrents of the Kosi.

Just three army helicopters drop 1800 food packets everyday, most of which falls in the water. A TV cameraman said, “While this makes good television and the world sees the government making efforts to help its people I could see nothing reaches the starving people.”

He said, “Imagine 1800 food packets for 2 million people?? And yesderday none of the helicopters could take off and remained stranded at Purnea due to bad weather…”

An hour of hiring a helicopter costs Rs. 1 lakh, so imagine if this money was spent on food and boats, instead of a joyride for politicians who believe their only job is to survey the misery of their own people.

And they do this to see themselves on television.

So this evening on television you will see your Prime Minister in his spotless white pyjama-kurta and blue turban looking down from his chopper window and returning to New Delhi to address a presser and he will say how serious the government is.

The Prime Minister should have watched the flood scenes on television and acted 10 day ago.

But in flooded Bihar mashed rice or choora costs Rs.100 per kilo, milk is Rs.150 per litre and a Rs.3 buiscuit packet for Rs.20 but that’s only if they are available.

The starving have no money.

I spoke to a housewife in Madhepura Sapna Bose whose telephone just doesn’t stop ringing. All distress calls. She says, “People call us frantically from Alamganj and other far away places. They say please help us. The waters are rising. Get us out of here, please..”

“I feel so helpless. I have no boats. The government says there are a 160 boats in Madhepura so I tell them to look out for the government boats and they reply that all day they saw just a single boat. How can 2000 people get onto a single boat?”

“The truth is that the District Magistrate has kept two boats for himself and every officer in-charge of flood and relief has a boat parked outside their homes, keeping it there so that they can escape if the waters rise further.”

Even the electricity is gone now. The water is rising steadily in Madhepura.

There is a red alert asking people to leave Madhepur also.

There are fears that if the Raja Bund at Inarva in Araria gives way then it will be disastrous for Madhepura as well. It will become the belly of the river Kosi.

The Bihar government says there are 44 relief camps in Madhepura giving Kicchdee but on the ground there are few relief centres. And no effort to get people out from Madhepura yet.

India’s railway minister Laloo Prasad has announced eight special trains to get people out but so far people do not know whether it has actually begun operations.

Madhepura is still linked to the Bihar capital Patna by road so the other option would be to take thousands of buses and get people out to relief camps in Begusarai and other districts not affected by floods.

But the government is sleeping.

I asked Sapna how many people must have died, and she replied, “From the calls I get I think at least 15,000 must be killed already because people tell me they now just see dead bodies floating in the water.”

While the chief minister Nitish Kumar calls this a catastrophe, his governments Disaster Management Department puts the death toll at just 10. (as available on the Disaster Management website)

Says Sapna, “Now I just give people who call me the DMs telephone number (06476 222741 and one of the Disaster Management officer 222086….because they have the boats.”

Most shops are shut in Madhepura town because of the red alert and a few open did try to sell in the black-market but people attacked them and were forced to sell at normal price till stocks lasted.

But when disaster struck on August 18 the Madhepura government employees were on a strike after their District Magistrate Rajesh Kumar assaulted an employee.

The strike continued even when water was entering the town. Its only at the intervention of the citizens that the strike was called off.

Can such a government help people in distress?

Some marooned people even now do not want to leave their homes. Bihar is not safe even in normal times.

Says Sapna, “Those who escape the flood fury after putting a lock on their homes hear within a day that their entire house has been robbed.”

Robbers have just taken over flooded Bihar.

“Yes, the richer people like professors have taken up rented rooms and flats in Purnea or Patna or are leaving to stay with their relatives. But the poor have no where to go.”

A bus journey from Madhepura to Purnea would cost Rs.20 normally, now they cost Rs.200. But even the rich do not have even 20 rupees. All banks are shut.

There is also a feeling of discrimination. People feel more relief is going to Supaul which is the constituency of the water resources minister Bijendar Yadav.

Says Sapna “But people in Supaul are also very angry with Bijendar Yadav and blame him for the floods…since he gave the job of embankment repair to a relative who did not do his job…”

The anger has begun to ferment. In ten days several government ministers and officials have been attacked.

Now there is news that the Bihar government officials are still not being allowed to repair the embankment in Nepal and have returned empty-handed. The Nepalese want India to first give relief and compensation to villages flooded in Nepal, before they will allow work to begin.

But what really happened on the night of August 18?

When the embankment gave way at 10 p.m., it is said within minutes all 55 sluice gates of the Bhimnagar Barrage were opened releasing all the accumulated water into Bihar.

Well, I am not an engineer and water management is not my field of expertise but it is common sense that those who manage such things have failed. And the government is not telling us why?

While Bihar drowns the Maoist Prime Minister of Nepal Prachanda sleeps on his NRS 1,10,000 new imported Chinese bed.

CATASTROPHIC BIHAR FLOODS, CATASTROPHIC INDIA'S POLITICIANS

20 LAKH PEOPLE AFFECTED, THOUSANDS UNCONFIRMED DEATHS AS KOSI BREAKS EMBANKMENT IN NEPAL

By Manuwant Choudhary

The river Kosi breaks an embankment just before the Bhimnagar Barrage in Nepal and waters from an angry Kosi flood several districts of north Bihar and some 20 lakh people struggle to escape its fury. And no government help.

After days of the disaster at the embankment the chief minister Nitish Kumar tells the media, "This is not a normal flood, its a catastrophy (pralaya or the end of the world).

But in flooded Bihar people just swim and wade through the torrents to get onto higher levels like the roads and bridges, leaving their entire properties behind.

And the chief minister of Bihar is yet to make a radio announcement warning people that they must get out as early as possible.

The worst affected districts are Supaul, Saharsa, Madhepura, Purnia, Araria and Katihar.

I spoke to Debashish Bose in Madhepura and he said, "Water has now entered Madhepura town as well. At least 15-16 wards of the 24 wards are already flooded and the waters are now rising. A prison near my home is also being evacuated."

As I spoke with Debashish I could hear in the background some talk of relief. One person said, "We have only five chapatis left." And Debashish replies, "Its a lot. Lets go and distribute what we have."

Just three helicopters airdrop food packets which mostly falls in the water.

But politics seems to have taken over again. India's railway minister Laloo Prasad Yadav did an aerial survey like he's been doing for the past 20 years. When he ruled Bihar he would often sleep on those helicopter journeys to survey floods only opening his eyes when the helicopter would return to base in Patna.

Journalists, of course, in our part of the world do not think thats a story so it never made it to the rundown. Thats also because television news channels need the politicians as much as they need the floods.

But this time Laloo is not running Bihar so he has already met India's Prime Minister Dr. Manmohan Singh requesting help for Bihar and attemtping to score a point over his rival Nitish Kumar, "This has happened because Nitish Kumar's government did not repair the embankment."

And now Nitish Kumar also plans to meet India's Prime Minister. Although just days before the floods he had said, "Bihar is fully prepared for the floods."

India's real catastrophy are its politicians. Even in the flooded regions politicians across political parties have spent more time in counting caste votes than on inspecting bunds that were built more than 50 years ago.

As a TV journalist with NDTV I had been covereing floods and I had done a journey up north right upto the mouth of the river Kosi. (without prior approval of NDTV)

I fear for Bihar so I wanted to see for myself.

All along what I saw was a poorly maintained embankment, and the bunds had no trees planted at their sides and the roads over them were simply non-existent.

On the Nepal side of the border the embankments were maintained and there were even trees alongside them. An unmetalled road over it could be used even in the monsoons as they had a machine to level the earth.

When we trekked up to Barah instead of finding officers from Bihar's Water Resources Department manning the flood warning system we found a broken laboratory and a `ghost' bungalow. We preferred to spend the night with locals.

It is at Barah Kshetra that there has been a talk over 50 years that a high dam is to be built but nothing happens.
And now when an embankment has been washed away in Nepal, Nepal's Prime Minister the Maosit Prachanda chooses to visit Beijing (for the Olympics closing), instead of coming to India.

But now I am now fully convinced that a high dam in Nepal is no solution to Bihar's floods.

I recall the clear pristine blue water of the Kosi and how small it looked at Barah and could not imagine its expanse when it reaches our homes in Bihar.

There is a temple of the Lord Vishnu at Barah but so remote is this region that very few Hindus visit this place. We found a few sadhus there but thats all. I asked one of them why this place is called Barah or Wild Boar and he told me the story of a deluge when the entire world was coming to an end and its only then that Lord Vishnu took the form of a wild boar and kept this part of the world above water and thereby saving the world.

As I write this my heart is with countless men, women, children and animals who will survive, if they do at all, only by fate.

But yes, I did my story then as I do it now warning that not just the floods but the real catastrophy is the politicians we elect. They will never solve our problems, not this flood either.

A God of Bad Laws

Manuwant Choudhary

India's Supreme Court is throwing up its hands in surrender too many times like todays editorial in the Times of India says how the Supreme Court in its latest order asked a man to continue living with his legally wedded wife with whom he has been separated for more than 16 years, saying its `Gods Will'.

Gods Will to suffer??

Surely, the Supreme Court isn't here to interpret the the will of the Supreme Lord but to interpret the laws and constitution of India.

Just a few months ago the Supreme Court in a case to remove encroachments from government housing in New Delhi announced `Even God cannot save India."

I recall interviewing Bihar's Building Construction minister Md. Taslimuddin some years ago in a similiar case and putting his hands on his head he had told me on camera, "Now only God can save Bihar."

Of course, if a minister says that its a huge embrassment for the government but when our Supreme Court says such things it should scare us.

But I guess nothing scares us anymore and I think thats the most scary part of living in India.

And the reason why nothing scares us not even our laws is because you can break the laws with impunity like another story in the inside pages of Times of India this time from Kerala says how a man in Kerala was about to get married to his girl freind when his former lover just appears carrying his baby and the matter is taken to the police but then the local elders intervene and there is a settlement.

The groom marries both his pregnant lover and his girlfriend.

This, although bigamy is a serious offence under the Indian Penal Code and could land the groom in prison for a year.

Its also because of bad laws that thousands of farmers are spending their days and nights protesting on an open highway at Singur..singing songs, eating kichhdi and occasionally raising slogans against West Bengal's communist government who took away their land and only source of livlihood because India does not have a fundamental right to property.
Even newspapers and TV channels believe manufacturing a Nano car is more important to Bengal than growing potatoes.

But the same newspapers also never ever opposed the nationalisation of industries in Bengal over decades that literally de-industrialised Bengal.

Its also because of bad laws that a liberal party cannot contest elections in India.

Whether its an unhappy marriage or a bad law, they both kill our souls and people just want to break free.

Like the other night as I channel surfed I caught a glimpse of a scene in a Hollywood film where a US prisoner arrested in Iraq was being tortured.

The Iraqi soldier soon gets tired of torturing the American and the American does not even utter a sigh.

He leaves his torture job to another Iraqi solidier and even he begins torturing the American, but the American just doesn't feel the pain.

So the Iraqi says, "It seems you have been through this kind of torture before."

The American replies, "Yes, worse, I have been married twice."

A lesson in property rights

By Manuwant Choudhary

At a time when Mamata Banerjee begins her agitation in West Bengal against Tata's Nano car project where she demands the return of 400 acres of land to farmers, I wish to remember a story I was told by a colleague of mine Prasoon Acharya working for the Ananda Bazaar Patrika.

Prasoon told me how he was like most reporters from West Bengal who when they come to Bihar they are under a heavy influence of left socialist ideologies...and in their writings they often take up causes for the landless and even sympathise with naxal outfits, giving them a moral basis to exist.

One day Prasoon was on his way to Gaya in a bus and while he sits, alongside him standing in the bus corridor he meets two activists of the Ranvir Sena, a dreaded banned outfit fighting against the naxals in Bihar, and Prasoon starts a conversation with them how what they are doing is wrong.

The conversation went on for 30 minutes with neither side seeing each others point of view.

Suddenly, one Ranvir Sena man grabbed Prasoon's bag.

An angry and upset Prasoon stood up from his seat and shouted, "What are you doing?"

There was almost an exchange of blows between them.

When suddenly again the Ranvir Sena man smilingly hands the bag back to Prasoon. "What do you have in this bag? Maybe a pen and some paper, thats all, but see what you did when I grabbed it from you. You almost killed me."

Now do you understand how we feel when someone just grabs our farms?

Prasoon is now back in Calcutta, a senior journalist, and I cannot say for others but I know Prasoon understands how the farmers of Singur feel.

BOOK REVIEW: THE HUNDRED TALES OF WISDOM BY IDRIES SHAH

`The King's Hawk and The Owls'

By Manuwant Choudhary

In this age of infotainment and cellphone commerce less time and money is spent on reading books but in the process one misses out even on ancient wisdom like this book I found in Bombay The Hundred Tales of Wisdom by Idries Shah, published by Rupa & Co.

The author Idries Shah was born in Shimla to a Scottish mother and Sunni Muslim father and later they went to England where he studied at Oxford. Idries was born in 1924 and died in 1996 and as a writer he authored some 35 books of them many are bestsellers.

The Hundred Tales of Wisdom is about the Life, Teachings and Miracles of Jalaludin Rumi and it has been translated from Persian by Idries Shah revealing the ancient wisdom of the dervishes.

Every story is a must read and the tales are so beautiful and full of meaning that you can read it again and again.
Like this story `The King's Hawk and The Owls'.

There was once a noble hawk, which belonged to a king.

Flying one day the hawk became tired, and settled on a ruined building to rest. The ruin was, however, the home of a colony of owls, who resented his presence.

The owls attacked this noble creature, who told them that he meant no harm, and that he was only passing through their domain.

But the owls cried:
"Do not listen to him! How could he have anything to do with a King? He is lying, in order to deprive us of our home by guile!"

From this tale, can you tell who is the noble hawk and who are the owls at Singur?

Cost of the Book is Rs.150/0nly so buy one now.

RATAN TATA THREATENS TO PULL OUT NANO FROM SINGUR

TATA, BYE BYE

By Manuwant Choudhary

TATA Boss Ratan Tata threatens to pull out his rupees one lakh Nano car factory from West Bengal if the protests continue.
Unusually, Mr. Tata attempted to make a moral case for himself although he said he did not want to score points.
"Its the governments job to govern and our job is to manufacture cars, and we believe that the land acquired by the government was acquired legally."
Surely, Mr. Tata like other members of the industry do not believe in the right to property and support the governments land acquisition laws which force farmers to move out from their lands.
If I was at the presser I would ask Mr. Tata whether it would be right for a government to suddenly declare Jamshedpur as a farming zone and forcibly take it away from the Tata's (of course, Jamshedpur is also just a lease, not the private property of the Tata's.)
So what the Tata's are doing in collusion with Bengal's Communist government is driving people away from their traditional profession FARMING and that is what they want to do. ITS THEIR HOME.
They do not want to be security guards in a car factory. Mr. Tata.

WHAT MILTON FRIEDMAN WOULD HAVE SAID ON EAT RATS?

“I DO NOT BELIEVE THE STATE HAS ANY MORE RIGHT TO TELL ME WHAT I PUT INTO MY MOUTH THAN IT HAS TO TELL ME WHAT COMES OUT OF MY MOUTH”, MILTON FRIEDMAN, NOBEL PRIZE WINNER IN ECONOMICS, SPEAKING ON MARIJUANA REFORMS.

EAT RATS SAYS BIHAR MINISTER

RATS FLEE BIHAR

By Manuwant Choudhary

A Big Rat from Bihar's Muzaffarpur district happened to watch the Bihar caste and tribal welfare minister Jitan Ram Manjhi's TV broadcast from under a sofa. The minister with popping greedy eyes tells the world how delicious rat meat is and if rats can be eaten in Thailand and France they must be eaten in Bihar, and why the entire world should eat rats.

The Bihar government plans a law to compel all restaurants to offer rats on their menu.

This to overcome the world food crisis and improve Bihar's socio-economic condition.

So a shocked Big Rat decides its time to leave his home state.

In Patna, he meets a Small Rat who lives in the Bihar chief minister's residence at 1 Anne Marg and the Thin Rat looks even more worried,

I am leaving Bihar he said, this morning I was still sleeping under the chief minister's bed when I heard the chief minister Nitish Kumar order his bearer `I want Rats for breakfast.'

The chief minister's cook came personally looking for me under the bed and I just managed to escape. I even heard the chief minister call up the police chief to arrest all rats in the state. He also called up his Janata Dal (U) president Lalan Singh to make a large benami house for rats. "Rats are Big Business".

Like him rats from other parts are also fleeing and the Patna railway station suddenly has more rats than train passengers.

Rats always prefer the train journey, even normally when they want to go to Delhi.
But this is a major crisis.

And India's railway minister Laloo Prasad Yadav calls this a conspiracy against the railways by his political opponents.
Rats were never charged a paisa for their travels but now he may have to introduce special trains since most rats are going to Punjab, which is India's biggest grain grower.

Free special trains could turn the railways into a loss-making body like all government organisations, and Laloo may never get to be PM.

Laloo has even called top railway officials who offer him a solution.
"Sir, we can run special trains both ways since many of Bihar's labourers want to return to Bihar after hearing the governments plans and want to catch rats rather than work on the fields in Punjab."

At the railway station rats are confused and desperate. They do not even know which train to catch, where to go.
As a superfast Rajdhani halts at the station rats hurry to get onto the superfast train.
Small Rat, "Hey, lets not take this train. Its going to Guwahati. The Ulfa will kill us because we are Bihari Rats."

Then came another train, this time to Gujarat.
Old Rat, "Lets get on. Hurry. I can see even Bihar cops are using their guns to kill us. Even Narendra Modi's Gujarat is safer."

Father Rat, "No, no you remember the other big crisis we faced. It happend in Gujarat - the Surat plague. These men they not only killed us in Gujarat but all over India. I know in Bihar even guinea pigs were not spared. Men are men, we only carried the flea that caused the plague. But they killed us like Hitler killed the Jews."

Vegetarian Rat, "I eat only grains. Why do humans want to eat us? Do we eat humans? I know occasionally some of us do nibble the toes of dead humans thrown on the banks of the Ganga but not otherwise. I think Gujarat should be safe. All restaurants are pure vegetarian there, even Muslim restuarants."

Secular Rat, "You fool. Never trust the Hindus. They do not eat meat at home or at restaurants. They eat on the streets. Why do we have so many egg-sellers on India's roads? Hindus just pop an egg every night at the street corner before reaching home for a pure vegetarian dinner. Besides, Gujaratis are big eaters. Their most popular internet site is the one on food Burrp.com."

BJP Rat, "I am going to Delhi. I won't meet Prime Minister Manmohan Singh because I know in Italy they eat rats on Pizza's. I will meet our leader PM-in-waiting Lal Krishna Advani and tell him that Rats are afterall Hindus. We are Ganeshji's transport just as politcians use their ambassadors and Scorpios. Surely, our issue is greater than Amarnath where only a few acres of land is being denied. Besides, we did not expect this from a BJP-ruled state Bihar."

RJD Rat, "You will never learn. Politicians will do everything and anything to stay in power. Do you have a crore of rupees??"

Shiv Sena Rat, "I am going to Maharashtra. Jai Maharashtra! Jai Mumbai!! Jai Balasaheb!!! Jai Ganapati!!!! In Mumbai our lord Ganapati is revered so no one will harm us."

A Maharashtra-returned Rat, "Hey you. I lived there before but I had to flee after Balasaheb's nephew Raj attacked the Biharis. I lived in a Bihari home and they just came and burnt it down. I managed to escape so I'm not going there."

A rat who lived in Bihar's best hotel Maurya, "I saw the chef this morning. He has already caught a few rats and he was sitting on the internet looking for rat recipes. He still does not know how to cook us. But I left seconds before he decided he wants to try. The chef at Maurya does not depend of government menus."

Global Rat, "I was there when they held the Global Meet and President APJ Kalam was here. They did not serve him rats. Yet, many wanted to invest in Bihar. Rats also must contribute for Bihar's development. After all its our home too. But I know investors did not come for other reasons not because rats were not served. NDTV said investors did not come to Bihar because of a global slowdown."

A Rat who is a friend of film-maker Prakash Jha, "I am going to call up Prakash Jha and ask him to speak to the chief minister his friend. After all Prakash Jha has made huge investments in the state which is enough to solve Bihar's economic problem."

A Rat who lives at Regent cinema, near Gandhi Maidan, "I know Prakash Jha. He just wants money. And if nothing happens he will make a film on rats fleeing Bihar and make more money, just like Gangajal. Didn't you see Bihari's blinding each other after watching the film."

Tribal Rat, "I am going to Jharkhand. Tribals are safe there."

Another Tribal Rat, "Not anymore. Its not Jharkhand, but Lootkhand. You see even Madhu Koda the chief minister is not safe. Besides, naxals are a big problem there. They put mines in the land. And poor agriculture. We will die of starvation."

A Rat in a three-piece-suit, "I want to go abroad. This country is not livable anymore. I want to fly Kingfisher airline to London but the Indian government does not allow it to fly to London. Will they name an airline after us if they eat us? Lucky Fish."

A dhoti-rat, "Stupid. Kingfisher is a bird that eats the fish. Its not a fish. UK immigration officials will never give you asylum if you can't understand even basic English. I think I'll go to Iraq."

The suited Rat, "Iraq!!! Never. They will find you like they found Saddam Hussein from a hole. Besides, Indians are close to the Iraqi's."

"What about Pakistan? Its safe for rats. Just as it is safe for Osama Bin Laden. Only thing is don't ever aspire to be their President or Prime Minister. They may exile you to Saudi Arabia.!"

Nationalist Rat, "Dont you see what happened to the Muslims who went to Pakistan from India. They are called Biharis. They do not have equal rights even now."

Democratic Rat, "You are all fools. You know why the Bihar government has made the announcement. They want votes of the Musahars who traditionally ate us. So let us call a press conference and announce our own political party."

Liberal Rat, "He-he-he...only if you swear to protect a socialist Indian constitution will you be allowed to start your party. That minister who announced the Rat-eating Bill is a socialist so how can we protect such stupid ideology of extreme equality."

"Heard what he said if chicken can be eaten, so can rats."

A common Rat, "All this is being done for votes of the Musahar's. Even we should demand voting rights."

A communist Rat, "If its about equality I would prefer living in China. Didn't you watch the Olympics. Even I could win 11 Gold medals on my own in the `Rat-Race'.

Child Rat, "He-he. You are a black rat. Didn't you watch the Olympic opening ceremony. The Communist politburo decided a pretty girl in red dress lip-sing a song because the orginal singer was not `pretty enough'. Only white rats will be allowed to run the race. Beijing now wants to show itself to the world."

God-fearing Rat, "The only place safe for us a temple in Rajasthan where they even feed us milk. But its so full already and so many Hindus go there to pray. Its getting difficult for them to avoid stepping onto us."

A Rat who talks to George Bush everyday, "I am going to the US but I told George that he must relax the terror laws. We don't have fingers so how can they allow us without fingerprinting?"

A Rat on his laptop, "See some good news on CNN. They have a poll here. It says what would you rather eat if you were forced to?

A. Dog -

B. Lizard -

C. Rat -

Of the 18,687 votes 32 per cent would eat dogs, 58 per cent lizard and only 10 per cent Rat.

A Animal Rights Rat, "These news channels have been taken over by a Rat-Eating Big Corporations so they are even telecasting our plight. We must talk to Animal Planet and call an end to all war amongst us and demand our own country"

But where should we live till then?

A Rat from Gaya, "I am going to Dharamshala to meet the Dalai Lama and hope his wisdom spreads. I saw him once appeal to his fellow Tibetans how they must not eat chicken and meat. Why we rats suffer just as much as ordinary Biharis'. Every year waters from Nepal flood our homes and governments do nothing."

Pakistan's President Parvez Musharraf resigns

By Manuwant Choudhary

Pakistan's dictator finally bows to the will of the people and in a televised address to the nation resigns as President saying his resignation will be sent to the Speaker of the Pakistan National Assembly.
He resigns just before the impeachment motion was to be begin on Tuesday.
The President said he worked honestly for Pakistan and when he leaves office he does not expect anything and it is for the people to judge the charges against him.
General Musharraf says at this stage he does not want any confrontation and the economy of Pakistan has always been his primary concern and he took up the reigns to power when Pakistan was on the verge of being declared a `failed' state.
Of course, the General says the charges against him are baseless and will not stand.
Its however not clear whether another `deal' has been worked out for Musharraf considering he has been the US's `strongest' ally against its war on terror.
Pakistan People's Party's (PPP) chief Asif Ali Zardari of course hopes the General will retire and play golf quietly.
But knowing the General this may not be.
Pakistan's terror record has worsened since the elections in Pakistan, with even Benazir having been killed.
From the Afghan government to even US candidates threatening to hunt down Al Qaeda in Pakistan and even Pakistan's ISI increasing its attacks on India, things are far from normal in Pakistan.
So its not unusual that Fatima Bhutto, the niece of Benazir, has attacked the `charlatans' of democracy (both Zardari and Sharief) for trying to remove a tyrant at a time when Pakistan is on the verge of civil war.
In her article in The Guardian (London) she also questions the double standards of the politicians who wish to get indemnity from all criminal charges they themselves face while they want only the General to be charged with murdering his own people.

Praying for Georgia

By Manuwant Choudhary

On our own independence day I want to pray for the people of Georgia who face invading Russian tanks and air-strike....no this is something our Prime Minister Dr. Manmohan Singh did not talk about from the ramparts of the Red Fort, from behind bullet-proof enclosures.

My heart goes out to TV journalist Tamara Urushadze who was hit by a Russian sniper while reporting live on television from the Russian-occupied town of Gori.

The 32-year-old Tamara was reporting on the South Ossetia crisis when a sniper hit her arm and she ducked a spray of bullets while her crew could not believe what had happened.

Amazingly, the reporter was soon helped onto a truck from where she continues with her live report on the occupation of Gori.

When I pray for Georgia I also pray for India and all countries whose freedoms have been taken away.

But our Prime Minister's speach was about empty chairs and empty promises, yes he does not have the courage to even mention Georgia because that would be interfering in the internal affairs of the Congress Party's greatest ally the Russians.

And no mention of Tibet because of India's deep friendship with China.

The Indian PM will not even share a common podium with his Holiness the Dalai Lama for fear of offending the Chinese,, while Sonia Gandhi makes n number of visits to Beijing to meet Communist deputies.

Is India a free country? And are we Indian enough to be like Tamara?

Can you take a sniper shot and yet do your job - speak the truth even if it means being alone.

On independence day I would like to remember the Swatantra Party, India's only party that could stand up to the world. It was in August 1959 that C. Rajagopalachari, India's first Governor General, founded the party along with Mr. Minoo Masani, a great liberal.

This year would mark the 50th year of the Swatantra Party had it existed.

Yet, the Swatantra Party does exist in our dreams and whenever we think of the good of this country this name will come up again and again.

Hence, on India's independence day I would announce the setting up of a website swatantraparty.net for the sake of freedom.
(This site is currently under construction)

PATNA'S ROAD RIVERS

By Manuwant Choudhary

Even with an hour of rains Patna's roads turn into rivers and yesterday as I took a right turn onto S.K. Puri Road I found myself driving through a river.

And guess what my car ran out of fuel just when I was in the middle of it.

My first reaction was that now I will have to remove my shoes, fold my pants up, get out of the car and wade through the water to the nearest petrol pump with a 3 litre can in hand.
But then I chose not to.

I took it as a challenge on how to refuel without getting my feet wet.

Honking Scorpios from behind only add to the woe.
A speeding schoolbus with children shrieking made my car rock like a boat.
Some water seeped in through the doors as well.

A few passersby smiled, laughed but did not help.

Just then I looked at my rear view mirror for a rikshaw and found one coming.

I asked him if he was free and he said he was. So without removing my shoes I asked the rickshaw to come alongside my door and then I climbed onto it.
Then I asked the rickshaw to move closer to my boot so that I could take out the empty can.
Having done that we left for the petrol pump.

Soon we were back with the fuel. And I asked the rickshaw to get as close as possible to my fuel tank cap.
I opened it and carefully poured the petrol, some of it spilling into the water creating a rainbow of sorts.
Then again the rickshaw took me to my door and I climbed right into my car from the rickshaw.
My car sarted. My rickshaw-wallah asked for Rs.30, I paid Rs.40.

But I did not get my feet wet in Nitish Kumar's murky waters.

(p.s Noted film-maker Prakash Jha has an office at this road but no he is not making any more films on Bihar as he is a loyal Janata Dal (U) member, leaving his poorer cousins in the water.)