NIIRA RADIA-MANUWANT CHOUDHARY TAPE 1 PART 1 (TRANSCRIPT)

By Manuwant Choudhary

Trrring....trring....trriiingggg......

Manuwant Choudhary: Hello...

NIIRA RADIA: HELLO, MANUWANT, this is NIIRA here...

MC: Niira Who? You mean the only one...

NR: yes, yes you got that right...

MC: But why have you called me?

NR: Because you are a journalist....

MC: Former journalist. And I was never as BIG as the 30 journalists whom know you. Besides, I am a poor farmer now.

NR: You mean poor like Deve Gowda.

MC: No, no, even poorer than Deve Gowda. I have not been India's Prime Minister. Nor do I have the time to sleep.

NR: Where are you right now?

MC: I am in Bihar driving across the Ganga - the bridge has jaws like a Ganga crocodile - they say its sinking because Indira Gandhi inaugurated it even before it was complete.

NR: Ahh, you should just buy your airplane.

MC: I am not Ratan Tata....and why even Ratan Tata flies to London in a commercial plane.

NR: OK, OK helicopter at least.

MC: I am not a politician. I know in Bihar every politician campaigns in a helicopter but all I have is an old ambassador - 40 years old - even the vehcile papers are weathered...

NR: I know ambassador means power. All our politicians prefer ambassadors. Only the Prime Minister has been forced to take the BMW but he hates the BMW.

MC: Tell me NIIRA how can I help you?

NR: I just called because I think you should become a politician.

MC: Me, politician...no...no...I have no such wish...

NR: Like Nitishji.....Vikaste Purush.

MC: No, no. I have no such aim...I don't want anyone's fingers being chopped off.

NR: What do you mean?

MC: Aah, you don't know...there is a person in Bihar's Jehanabad... Anilji... who chops up his finger everytime Nitishji becomes chief minister. Already two fingers are gone.

NR: Really???

MC: Yes, yes, and he promised on TV that he would chop his entire arm if Nitish becomes Prime Minister.

NR: Amazing guy?

MC: And he says this is the least he can do for his Nitishji.....compared to the suicides by YSR followers in Andhra after YSR died in a chopper crash.

NR: I have full faith in India's growth story.

MC: Your mean blind faith.

NR: I have two eyes.

MC: But NIIRA your are so powerful can't you help this guy with two less fingers.

NR: If he wants he can drive my new jaguar.

MC: Really, but I don't know if he knows how to drive a car. I hear he is a rickshawpuller.

NR: He can learn. We all learn. MY PR company had no clients and look now all 90 TATA companies are under my belt. Besides, I believe in `inclusive' growth. Besides, all drivers are Biharis.

MC: Niira, but why do you want me to become a politician. You already know Nanduji so well so im sure you dont need anyone else from Bihar.

NR: My portfolio is grown too large. I can't handle it all by myself and you know these retired bureaucrats in flashy red scarves..they spend more time on getting their pronunciations sound like Jaswant Singh..they are too slow. Ratan Tata and Mukeshji trust me because I `Get Things Done'.

MC: Get what done.

NR: Like the Tata's helped the division of Bihar yet they did not get the renewal for the lease of Jamshedpur...I got it done within a day!!!

MC: I know, I know....but I still think I wont be of any help to you? I don't know Ghulam Nabi Azad even...never worked in Delhi you see...Now I grow (baingan) brinjals and sell them for Re.1 a kilo. Its only people like you who say food prices have gone up.

NR: Ok, ok..I'll buy all your brinjals but can you do this for me...

MC: I know you want me to get in trouble with Income Tax..I know they are listening to us now...but I am a poor farmer completely exempt from taxes. And since the IT is listening I can say they are the most corrupt department.

NR: I dont mean that...lets work together on this...

MC: On what?

NR: On this..on everything..Ok what do you want me to do.

MC: You know liberals cannot even contest elections in India.

NR: So what just say you are a socialist and we all get filthy rich together. I want you to attend a black tie dinner in Bombay. I have a nice black dress ready.

MC: I only attend black tie dinners thrown by relatives of Mahatma Gandhi! Plus, I dont want to be rich.

NR: Ok so tell me what I can do for you?

MC: I just want the Dalai Lama be able to return home.

NR: You mean to Tibet.

MC: Ya, ya.

NR: I have some Chinese clients but I'm not sure how I can `Get Things Done' in China..esp Tibet.

MC: I am actually still not sure why you have called me.

NR Actually I want to leverage this telecom spectrum issue.

MC: But how? I am not Veer Sanghvi and I don't own TV and Radio or newspapers. I don't even have my own column.

NR: I Know, I know...you are more powerful...I know you are a blogger. I don't want to bribe you since you are an honest person but we can give you all the advertisements you want.

MC: But I don't take advertisements on my blog! Not even by Google. See.