Saturday, December 25, 2010

Spine Secrets !

By Manuwant Choudhary

I found this amazing Spine Table Lamp at the desk of my friend who is a Congress politician. Lets call him Mr. P. and he tells me this really helps him cure his spinal disorders.

Manuwant (M): Where the hell did you get this from?

P: You know I have this spinal problem so my doctor recommended I keep this always on my table.

M: But how can a table lamp cure your spinal problem. Does it have those infra-red lights that cures pains or what?

P: I don't mean that.

M: Then what? Does your spine have a gap or something. You're not feudal. Only feudals suffer from that problem because they have to protect their land.

P: No, no, mine is more serious. Let me explain.

M: I can't believe it.

P: You see I don't have a pain but my spine is not flexible enough.

M: But why do you need it to be flexible. At this age you're not aiming to be a gymnast!

P: Im just aiming to be a politician. See this lamp. (bending the lamps spine )...this lamp can become like Sitaram Kesri whevever he feels like. He can lie flat-out on the ground and procastinate before the HIGH Command.

M: You mean like Sitaram Kesri did to Narasimha Rao.

P: Yes, yes,

M: But can he be Narasimha Rao as well.

P: Yes, he can...he can bow before kesriji.

M: But why you telling me this.

P: You know my problem is I can't bow like them.

M: So whats the trouble?

P: You saw those Congressmen from Bihar outside Soniaji's residence who shouted slogans against corruption in ticket distribution (Rs.60 lakh for an MLA ticket)..they all suffer from the same ailment and the Congress has thrown them out from the party. I am also scared.

M: But you did not shout slogans.

P: You know just as every Indian political parties has a lawyer , they also have a spine specialist. I went to see ours. He got an X-Ray done and made a chart out of it on his laptop (just as astrologers do on Indian TV) and told me I must be careful.

M: You mean every Congress politcian goes through a spine test.

P: Yes, you are right.

M: You mean to say even respectable Digvijay Singhji has been through this test as well.

P: Yes, yes, if he had not gone through it how would he have been attacking the Hindutva for Karkare's misery before he was killed.

M: But that even Rahulji told to the Americans that Hindutva is a greater threat than Islamic fundamentalist. You don't read WikiLeaks?

P: Digvijay Singhji leaked it before WikiLeaks.

M: But how does that help?

P: It shows his loyalty to the Nehru-Gandhi family. He took all the blame for what was rightfully Rahuls'...

M: But why would he do that. He was all over the papers.

P: He wanted to blunt the oppositions attacks - he acted like wave-breakers you see on Marine Drive.

M: I don't follow.

P: Digvijay Singhji's spine has been trained to help Rahulji become India's Prime Minister one day.

M: Okay, okay, but tell me why do politicians doze-off at public functions and can be seen snoozing on national TV. Its okay to sleep in parliament but definitely not on Nehru's birth anniversary function in Allahabad. Digvijay Singhji also slept...all the panelists slept and even the audience was sleeping.

P: Its a side-effect of spinal medication. But you see how he awoke just when someone mentioned Soniaji's name.

M: Even trouble-shooter Pranab Da slept when the Russian President was here. And what about the BJP politicians.

P: They too have the same probllem. Arjun Munda sleeps all the time. But BJP spines are treated to bow before their leaders as well as before Ram.

M: You mean all of you attend Baba Ramdev's yoga lessons. I know Baba Ramdev is the most flexible person. See how he moves his stomach

P: Thats only filled with air. No, no, no..if we attend Baba Ram Dev's lessons then we would suffer more because he speaks against corruption. Our party prefers Santa Claus Kalmadi...see how he guffaws even when the CBI enters his home.

M; ya saw that. what did he tell the CBI?

P: He told them that he was only playing Santa Claus when he distributed the crores in the COngresswealth Games.

M: Just one more question...tell me what kind of spine is needed for the top job.

P: You mean Prime Minister.

M; Yes.

P: He must be spineless.

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