Monday, July 4, 2011

Black Money

By Manuwant Choudhary

Switzerland: Even as the Indian Supreme Court order came in to bring back all the `Black Money' stashed away in foreign banks I was sitting at the Gujarati pure vegetarian restaurant just opposite the Swiss Bank and I met thousands of businessmen all eager to withdraw their black money. And they all had their faces veiled with a black `burqa'.

A Swiss banker was offering them the most expensive vegetarian pakodas pleading with them not to withdraw their money.

Swiss Banker: "See if you all withdraw your money then our bank will shut down."

Client 1: "We don't care. Please return our money. The Swiss can keep their money here."

Swiss Banker: "No, no, you don't understand. We only keep black money, not white. The Swiss have only white money."

Client 2: "The Swiss are very rich. You can't be rich without having black money. Aaah I love spending my holidays here..what beautiful cottages and view of the snow."

Swiss Banker: "You can stay here as long as you want but please don't withdraw your money."

Client 3: "But why not? Do you want the Indian government to withdraw our money?"

Swiss banker: "No, no, we will definitely not allow that. We have thousands of treaties on secrecy."

Client 4: "Forget treaties man, first you tell us why are you being racist. You call Swiss money white and our money black?"

Swiss banker: "Okay, okay, I promise you we will not discriminate agaisnt black money. In fact, we give more protection to black money?"

Client 5: "Is money from China called yellow money?"

Swiss banker: "Money has nothing to do with colour of your skin."

Client 6: "Very angry. Please call our money Brown Money...we are not from Africa."

Swiss banker: "Anyway what will you do by withdrawing your money?"

Client 7: "I will make the tallest building in India, taller than Mukesh bhai's ..and have the slimmest TV to watch while I relax in my roof top pool, with my helicopter watching over me."

Client 8: "Aaah I will give it to a good built the Ram mandir at Ayodhya."

Client 9: "No, no the BJP is against black money. "

Client 10" "The BJP believes black money given to a good cause becomes white money."

Client 11: "You saw how their party president accepts black dollars but only for the `parrrrty."

Client 12: "I will invest in vibrant Gujrata...Narendrabhai is a good man...see how he burns all records related to black money. He has built an incenarator that burns all if you invest with him..your money will become white."

Client 13: "I think Kerala is better....all white money has become black. Keralites eran salaries abroad and invest in land in they convert it into black..its Gods Own Country after all."

Client 14: "I think we all made a mistake - a bluder really."

Client 15: What?

Client 14: "We should have hired Ram Jethmalani..paid him first to argue for Black Money...and not for White Money."

Client 16: "yes, yes, I also wonder how this criminal lawyer has turned a saint. He argues for India's top murderers and gets theim freed and then sits in parliament as a Rajya Sabha MP."

Client 17: But thats his job as a lawyer He is a good friend.

Client 18. I just wonder why the Congress Party argued so weakly for Black Money. That Solicitor General did not even whimper.

Client 19: I suspect they have a deal.

Client 20: yes, yes, they agreed to agree that Italian businessman Octavio Quattorocchiii's money is white money (from Bofors!. See how beautifully the gun performed at Kargill !

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