Black Money

By Manuwant Choudhary

Switzerland: Even as the Indian Supreme Court order came in to bring back all the `Black Money' stashed away in foreign banks I was sitting at the Gujarati pure vegetarian restaurant just opposite the Swiss Bank and I met thousands of businessmen all eager to withdraw their black money. And they all had their faces veiled with a black `burqa'.

A Swiss banker was offering them the most expensive vegetarian pakodas pleading with them not to withdraw their money.

Swiss Banker: "See if you all withdraw your money then our bank will shut down."

Client 1: "We don't care. Please return our money. The Swiss can keep their money here."

Swiss Banker: "No, no, you don't understand. We only keep black money, not white. The Swiss have only white money."

Client 2: "The Swiss are very rich. You can't be rich without having black money. Aaah I love spending my holidays here..what beautiful cottages and view of the snow."

Swiss Banker: "You can stay here as long as you want but please don't withdraw your money."

Client 3: "But why not? Do you want the Indian government to withdraw our money?"

Swiss banker: "No, no, we will definitely not allow that. We have thousands of treaties on secrecy."

Client 4: "Forget treaties man, first you tell us why are you being racist. You call Swiss money white and our money black?"

Swiss banker: "Okay, okay, I promise you we will not discriminate agaisnt black money. In fact, we give more protection to black money?"

Client 5: "Is money from China called yellow money?"

Swiss banker: "Money has nothing to do with colour of your skin."

Client 6: "Very angry. Please call our money Brown Money...we are not from Africa."

Swiss banker: "Anyway what will you do by withdrawing your money?"

Client 7: "I will make the tallest building in India, taller than Mukesh bhai's ..and have the slimmest TV to watch while I relax in my roof top pool, with my helicopter watching over me."

Client 8: "Aaah I will give it to a good cause..to built the Ram mandir at Ayodhya."

Client 9: "No, no the BJP is against black money. "

Client 10" "The BJP believes black money given to a good cause becomes white money."

Client 11: "You saw how their party president accepts black dollars but only for the `parrrrty."

Client 12: "I will invest in vibrant Gujrata...Narendrabhai is a good man...see how he burns all records related to black money. He has built an incenarator that burns all records..so if you invest with him..your money will become white."

Client 13: "I think Kerala is better....all white money has become black. Keralites eran salaries abroad and invest in land in Kerala...so they convert it into black..its Gods Own Country after all."

Client 14: "I think we all made a mistake - a bluder really."

Client 15: What?

Client 14: "We should have hired Ram Jethmalani..paid him first to argue for Black Money...and not for White Money."

Client 16: "yes, yes, I also wonder how this criminal lawyer has turned a saint. He argues for India's top murderers and gets theim freed and then sits in parliament as a Rajya Sabha MP."

Client 17: But thats his job as a lawyer He is a good friend.

Client 18. I just wonder why the Congress Party argued so weakly for Black Money. That Solicitor General did not even whimper.

Client 19: I suspect they have a deal.

Client 20: yes, yes, they agreed to agree that Italian businessman Octavio Quattorocchiii's money is white money (from Bofors!. See how beautifully the gun performed at Kargill !