`Let Us Bite The Bullet' says Indian Prime Minister

By Manuwant Choudhary

My two pups Timone & Pumba have been very worried since the stock market collapse and a hundred billion dollars just left the country in a single day !

They sit and watch the TV debates like its the end of the world.

Me: Why are you two so sad? Surely you don't invest in the stock market?

Timone: You don't understand...we have every reason to worry.

Pumba: I agree with Timone. You just don't understand. You don't understand even after reading newspapers.

Me: What newspaper?

Timone: Didn't you read about the cabinet meeting on Food Security Bill?

Pumba: It said that P. Chidamabaram and Sharad Pawar and others ganged up to oppose the bill.

Me: Thats good. They are right after all. Where will they find 5000 crore rupees to distribute rice all over India?

Timone: Ah they are the government...like Kings...they have so much money...they don't know where to keep them in India so they keep it in Swiss banks!

Pumba: yes, yes, and with the dollar now at Rs.65 you can imagine how much richer the corrupt with Swiss bank accounts have become.

Timone: I like Baba Ramdev...just bring back the Swiss bank money and why 5000 crores...we will show america how its dollars will fly back to Bombay.....

Me: But i still don't understand why you two are worried?

Pumba: Didn't you read the Prime Minister stopped his ministers from quarelling and said `Lets Bite the Bullet..'

Me: But yes, and what does that mean?

Timone: Surely, it does not mean the Congress Seva Dal workers getting themselves shot in UP!

Pumba: But I did see Congressmen buying bullets in Delhi.

Timone: Congressmen are like slaves they will eat anything as long as the High Command tells them to...

Me: You mean they will eat bullets?

Timone: You don't understand...its a question of life & death for us..

Me: But obviously you don't eat bullets. Biting a bullet is a metaphor..er.errr...it means something else.

Pumba: So you tell us what it means?

Me...er...ah....if you know then why don't you tell me..and by the way how do you know what happened at the cabinet meet in such detail.

Timone: The Editor is our friend.

Me; You mean Editor of Hindustan Times?

Timone: No. I mean the Editor who lives in Delhi.

Me: Cummon...you two are just Dogs....why would the Editor even talk to you both?

Timone: I love AK Antony he says the Food Bill has to be passed because Soniaji promised it to the people...and that pledge is most important.

Pumba: I like Prannoy Roy also..he said the Food Subsidy is more important than the Fuel subsidy..after all its for the poor....But why did the PM end the debate with the biting bullet thing? He should have said lets all eat rice...

Me: But I still don't understand why you two are interested in the food bill of all things...you get your four square meals every day...

Timone: Ah you don't even know where our rice comes from.

Me: It comes from the market.

Pumba: Heh, no your mom buys it from the poor at Rs.15 per kilo...in the market it is Rs.30 per kilo...

Me: You mean the poor don't eat rice..they sell rice.

Timone: yes, its we who eat rice...the poor don't eat rice..they want money to become rich.

Me: But who is the Editor you both know...

Pumba: He is Vinod Mehta's dog !

Me: This is too much...my dogs know so much..but I am sure this Editor got it wrong...the Prime Minister only said, "Let Us Bite the Ballot.."

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Its Onions This Independence Day

By Manuwant Choudhary

India is going to import onions to bring down the high onion prices and more restrictions on foreign exchange and a ban on buying properties abroad as well as curbs on gold imports is like the return to socialism.

So I had hoped the Prime Ministers independence day speech would bring back some confidence in the economy.

But instead our PM spoke about the glorious days of how Panditji built all the industries, how Indiraji made India great and how Rajivji's decade pushed India to modernity.

He was not honest because he never told the people that those were in fact the wasted decades which resulted India becoming bankrupt by the early nineties.

But hidden in his speech is a line that says that unless agriculture improves in the country it is hard to remove poverty.

In his eight years as India's Prime Minister I wish he had done something about agriculture.

This is not a PM versus Modi blog but in a diverse country such as India you can't become PM on a communal rocket !

Yes He Can & Gun Salutes!

By Manuwant Choudhary

News in India can be really amusing at times like the BJP PM aspirant Narendra Modi in a public meet at Hyderabad stole from Obama's election campaign..."Yes We Can..."

I'm not sure if he stole the show but media reports suggest the crowd was large and young and there was quite a fervour.

So I just wonder what went on in the minds of Indian youth when Modi shouted `Yes We Can'.

Modi is the same man under whose regime the Gujarat riots happened where thousands were killed.

So Yes He Can !

I am not yet sure about Modi's development agenda but one thing is certain the next election in 2014 is a test for India's securalism as much as it is about a vote against corruption.

Narendra Modi is yet unable to get a United States visa so when he says Yes We Can is he talking about getting a US visa?

Yes He Can !

I am not a big fan of the BJP and you must be wondering why I am behaving like Subramanian Swamy...

No I have not joined the BJP.

Its just that I read somewhere that the BJP has employed thousands of internet warriors who are going to be paid to read all reports about Modi, even the negative ones, and evaluate.

I think its a good idea to write..at least my blog hits will improve !

But Subramanian Swamy says he has joined the BJP because of patriotism !

Like the patriotic JD (U) politicians are saying all the wrong things.

And instead of a focus on Pakistan..the Indian media is gunning for some unimportant Bihar politicians...

But what really is this patriotism about?

Is it like this man who a few days ago jumped into a lions den at Patna zoo and the lion pounced on his back.

Luckily, the zoo keeper in a split second distracted and caged the lion in his night shelter.

But the man would not leave the den.

He wanted a loudspeaker since he wanted to talk to Allah !

And finally, a seven gun salute to freedom fighter revolutionary Khudi Ram Bose went horribly wrong because the bullets were so old that only two fired.

Poverty-line PM aspirants

By Manuwant Choudhary

The other evening my chief minister Nitish Kumar was on a CNN-IBN show since a survey indicated he has greater chances of being India's Prime Minister.

The interview went on for hours and at times it seemed the chief minister himself wanted to get up and leave.

But there were luminaries in the audience so how could he possibly do that.....

N.K. Singh..his agent in Delhi sat in the front row...and Abhishek Manu Singhvi..the Congress spokesperson..listened attentively...possibly for a clue on 2014.

But Nitish is a clever politician...he just talked about poverty and special status.

This was the same news channel that gave Nitish Kumar the `sarvshresth mukhya mantri' darja...(status)...just a few days after he became chief minister!

But when u hear our politicians on national TV...whether Nitish or Modi...you know for sure that they have nothing to offer India.

Nitish Kumar's biggest achievement is the bicycles he distributed to school children.

When asked about urbanisation he said his state does not need massive urbanisation..the fact is that Bihar doesn't even have a single city ! You heard that right...Patna is hardly even a town!

I took a train and arriving in Patna as I took an auto I noticed Patna does not have traffic lights..or even street lights.

So I got talking to the autowallah and to my surprise he spoke with more intelligence....

"Saheb, desh mein sirf teen mahanagar hain....dilli, bombai aur kalkatta...Patna mahanagar kaise banega....mahanagar kisi ke banane se nahin banta...uske andar shakti honee chahiye..."

(The counrty has just three cities..Delhi, Bombay and Calcutta...Patna cannot become a metro city with an announcement...Patna must have inner strengths to become a Metro..)

"Desh mein gareeb nahin hongen to sab ruk jayega...padha-likha engineer yahan nut-bolt bhee nahin choota hai..."

(If there were no poor in India the entire economy would have come to a halt..the educated engineers here don't like to use their hainds to fix anything..)

"Neta to sirf apne paise kee firak mein rehte hain..desh ke liye kaun sochta hai..Humar rajya bhee gareeb jai..dekhte nahin kaise mukhya mantri katora liye kendra ke paas jaate hain"

(The politicians are just after making money...who thinks about the country..My state is also poor. Our chief minister goes to the centre with a begging bowl."

Ofcourse, on national TV the same evening my chief minister talked about things like `Global Meltdown' and Bihar's growth story..while reprimanding the anchor for calling it a Model.

But Nitish was right..there is no Model..rather there is no policy..it is pure consumption.

The anchor also listed the consumption statistics of Narendra Modi and they were similar except the heads on which they were spent were different.

It hurts to see India being run this way.

I often wonder whether it is our policy to keep India poor !

A friend who lives abroad said India has become a laughing stock with its economic decline..(our foriegn exchange reserves can last just 7 months as of now.)

The country is desperate.

But what does the Congress Party do about this - they create one more state - Telengana. More governments, more chief ministers, more Governors.....more costs.

Let India burn.

Let Pakistan cross our borders whenever they feel like and shoot down the soldiers.

But we don't hear anything from loudmouths like Raj Thackeray when four Biharis and one Marathi together lay down their lives for India..fighting Pakistan.

At a time when even the US pulls out consulates from different countries..India sleeps.

We talk about peace talks.

They forget the ancient saying, "If you want peace prepare for war."

Before I became a journalist..rather the first interview of my life...was with Minoo Masani, India's great liberal...and it was just liberalising...but this is what Masani said, "This is liberalisation through bankruptcy, not intelligence..."

The latest slew of  `opening up' decisions in Foriegn Direct Investments just shows how FDI is being used not as a policy decision but as a way to `Beg' for foreign money...(but its too late for some..one of India's best airlines Kingfisher was allowed to go to ruin..before the skies were opened up)

But why should the world invest when you say you are poor and desperate !

I really don't care about the Modi's and the Nitish's and the Rahul's.

The best Narendra Modi can offer is a nasal version of `Meren Doston...!(my friends)

But today I'd like to wish Narendra Modi a very happy Eid and offer him a skullcap Made In China sold at Patna's langartoli!