Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Private Sector Bribery Bill?
By Manuwant Choudhary
Did you see how serious India's Prime Minister Dr. Manmohan Singh was at the CBI meet where he said he is going to bring a Private Sector Bribery Bill? For this he invited India's top bribery expert to the Prime Minister's Office...
PM: I am dead serious in bringing this Private Sector Bribery Bill in the winter session of parliament.
Bribery Expert: Sir, how can I help you?
PM: Well, first you have to tell me all the different kinds of bribery so that we can ban them.
Bribery Expert: Sir, before we start I have a query. Isn't bribery just bribery. What do you mean by Private Sector Bribery?
PM: No, no...already half my ministers are in Tihar jail...now we want only private sector bribery to stop.
Bribery Expert: What about public sector bribery?
PM: You mean oil companies?
Bribery Sector: Oil, fertliser, railways....all of them
PM: No, no all bills have exemptions so we will keep them exempted..after all they do national service.....and our job is to uplift the underprivileged.
Bribery Expert: Sir, okay lets begin but I have critical information about bribery by Ambani, Tata and Birla....
PM: Really? No, no they are all honest gentlemen.
Bribery Expert: Well, I followed their donations and they all bribe the Congress Party every election to get favours after....
PM: No, no no..you got it all wrong ..they just want to help Indian democracy and the Nehru Gandhi family remain in power...its not bribery..its social responsibility and that is tax exempt.
Bribery Expert: What about land? All of UP Mayawati is giving to those builders..should we go after them? Even that DLF fellow...DLF 1,2,3,4,5,6,...no land ceiling laws apply to them?
PM: I told you don't focus on government..the Bill is called Private Sector Bribery.
Bribery Expert: Sir, I don't think Rahul Baba understands anything when he writes to you that all kith and kin must declare their assets...you know even that Robert Vadra fellow will have to declare his assets and you know he is a private fellow..businessman you see..
PM: Just focus on them not us...your brief is clear.
Bribery Expert: Should we consult L K Advani see how he travels all over India on corruption....
PM: Do not go near him,,he wants only me in jail so that he can become PM.
Bribery Expert: Should we focus on BJP ruled states like Bihar where ministers build seven-storyed apartments?
PM: No, no..no...Lok Ayuktas are there for that..I just want you to draft this private sector bill.
Bribery Expert: Sir, do you know that Rs.400 crore was withdrawns from ATMs in poor Bihar on dhanteras?
PM: Really, but why?
Bribery expert: Its obvious...its bribery.
PM: You mean even on Diwali....
Bribery Expert: yes, sir..see all those gifts and flowers outside your house...we may just have to ban Diwali.
PM: Do not overstep your brief. Just focus.
Bribery Expert: Just tell me what you want?
PM: I want a bill against Arvind Kejriwal.