Kejriwal The Bhasmasura

By Manuwant Choudhary

I found the Congressspokeswoman at the poolside as models strutted around in their bikinis for a shoot of the Kingfisher Calender 2013 and I asked her what she was doing here...taking a break from Nidhi Razdan's inquisitions....

Congressspokeswoman: You think we ever get a break...and with that Kejriwal fellow around its complete madness.

Me: I agree but I thought you actually like Team Anna.

Congresswoman: We like Annaji but who is this Kejriwal fellow...he just comes out of nowhere and flashes pieces of paper on national TV and everyone goes crazy...

Me: But I thought you know Kejriwal...I believe he was in the Indian Revenue Service..before he became an activist...an Income Tax Officer...

Congresswoman: Exactly, it is we who trained him...

Me: Even before I told you mam these Income Tax sleuths are crazy..they keep raiding mithai shops in Patna everyday...you should just abolish the Income Tax department....

Congresswoman: I think its a good idea but wait what if they all start a political party...or join this Kejriwal...no no its better they raid only mithai shops.

Me: Mam, but this Kejriwal why is he so angry?

Congresswoman: I really don't know...when even the BJP is happy with us..whats this guy upto...and see he even made Vijay Goel cry.

Me: But is he  a nice guy?

Congresswoman: Nice ! Don't you see his face...Annaji breaks his fast with a glass of orange juice and this Kejriwal breaks his fasts with green chillies and says hes got diabetes..

Me: But you know I think ever since he launched his own party he looks more pleasant...think his diabetes is getting cured.

Congresswoman: I think he is a very dangerous.

Me: You mean more dangerous than Afzal Guru...

Congresswoman: Yes, yes, Afzal Guru we can give mercy but this Kejriwal needs to be destroyed.

Me: But you congratulated him when he won the Magsasay Award...for his Right To Information Campaign....and yet you say you dont know him..

Congresswoman: And who gave the Right To Information to the people of India? We did.

Me: I agree you did but then why do you tell  Nidhi Razdan that you don't know this Kejriwal fellow...

Congresswoman: But even if I know why should I say so on national TV for the whole world to know...

Me: Mam, see but I am so close to the Congress Party...your wellwisher...so you can at least tell me who he is....

Congresswoman: He is Bhasmasura !

Me: Who Bhasmasura? Now, now you are talking like Murli Manohar Joshi..has the Congress become a Hindu party?

Congresswoman: No, no just that Indian mythology really helped us find out who he is...

me: Can you explain?

Congresswoman: Like Bhasmasura prayed to Lord Shiva to give him a boon that he would never die. But Shiva said its beyond his powers to grant him such a wish...but he could ask for anything else. So
Bhasmasura said that he wants a boon that if he places his hand on anyone's head he would be destroyed.

Me: Then what happens?

Congresswoman: So Shiva granted the boon but Bhasmasura started running after Shiva himself and the Gods got worried that Shiva was going to be killed...

Me: But whats the connection...

Congresswoman: Exactly, we gave him the RTI boon and he uses it against us...

Me: Aaah...I understand now...but still what are you doing here in the midst of bikini clad models...surely you cant destroy Kejriwal sitting here....

Congresswoman: You are too naive...we are looking for Mohini !

The Angry Autowallah

By Manuwant Choudhary

The autowallah has always fascinated me and if I was  a Bollywood director I'd cast Amitabh Bachan as   an autowallah !

But I don't like the auto.....

As an aam aadmee I do have to take the auto and now you have even Diesel-run auto's which are larger.

Like before the fuel price hike I took this auto which could seat four at the back but just then the autowallah found five more passengers and he asked all of them to sit in the front.

And surprisingly all five agreed....so one by one they all pushed onto the front row....at first it looked like this was impossible but the autowallah knows the art of `squeeze or `shift' and `shift' he did, until the autowallah asked if everyone was in and a passenger replied, "Haan, haan, bas aap utaar jayen.." (yes, yes, except now you can get off !)

In fact, even if you see an empty auto going somewhere you will notice the auto wallah always sits on the edge, never at the centre, thinking of the imaginary passengers he is ferrying!

And his neck is always strained, towards the lanes and bylanes, as he chugs along, slowing down every two seconds and stopping all traffic behind him. Honks and abuses don't bother him.

Almost the way our Prime Minister strains his neck to get FDIs from America...

But yesterday I took this auto and the usually silent autowallah was talking and no he was angry, really angry.

At first I thought the old man had a fight with his wife but when I heard him carefully he was angry at Dr. Manmohan Singh for raising fares.

This is what he said, "Hum sau rupaye kamate the ab woh bhi gaya aur passenger bhi kum hai......sab neeche waale ka paisa jodte hain...aur upar waale MP aor MLA apna wetan badhate hain to koi kuch nahin bolta..." (I used to earn Rs.100 per day but now I don't, and there are fewer passengers as well. Everyone questions what someone below him earns but they don't question what someone above them gets. I know how MPs and MLAs raised their salaries but no one complained...)

If the Indian economy was really so bad then how is it that the MPs keep increasing their salaries and perks?

One argument has always been that give an MP a decent salary and he will become honest.

Now we all know.....give an MP a decent salary and he will want coal, spectrum, gas......

The above chart courtesy telegucolours shows the salary hike in 2010....

What corruption? Its a gift......

By Manuwant Choudhary

I wonder who is more corrupt - the BJP or the Congress but I take it that since the Congress Party has been longer in power they would be more corrupt.

So when India's Prime Minister Dr. Manmohan Singh wants to take tough economic decisions he first announces a bill to promote dalits to high places....just so as to keep the Paswans and Mayawatis on his side.

But Mulayamji opposed the move.

I am not sure if there has ever been a dalit president of the Congress Party.

And remember Babu Jagjivan Ram, India's dalit defence minister, when India won the Bangladesh war, but Mrs. Indira Gandhi did not give him any credits.

Later, when emergency was imposed Jagjivan Babu, a cabinet minister, was not even consulted.

So he resigned and joined the Janata Party which came to power ousting Indira.

The current Speaker of India's parliament is his daughter  Meira Kumar....

Like the Congress Party nowadays focusses only on the irrigation scam in Maharashtra as if the Kosi scams never took place and Maruti never happened.

But yes Nitin Gadkari is a fine man but he does look like soft towards contractors just as the Congress is to the builders lobby.

I think we have lost count of all the corruption cases independent India has seen....its worse than a tsunami.

And whats worse when after 15 years Bihar throws out a Laloo for his role in the fodder scam only to find another case suggesting Nitish Kumar also took crores from Shyam Behari Sinha - the fodder scam prime accuesed - to contest elections...

But Laloo is drawing larger crowds these days while Nitish gets black flags everywhere...so the Bihar police strip all those who wear black shirts - and a shirtless Bihari is worse.

But Laloo suggests its not enough....should only old people attend Nitish rallies...after all people do have black hair. Or should they shave to attend a rally?

If black was such an offensive colour I wish our politicians did something about Black money too.

The debate on corruption is not going anywhere....we even elect the corrupt again and again...and if we take them to court...like with Mayawati - the Supreme Courts absolves her of all charges....its all a gift.

Defending Aam Aadmee Robert Vadra

By Manuwant Choudhary

I met this Congress Party spokeswoman in New Delhi and she seemed to be so upset with India Against Corruption. I asked her whats the matter madam...

Congresswoman: This India Against Corruption is getting too much now...they are actually India Against Aam Aadmee..

Me: No, no...see that Kejriwal fellow he is definitely for the aad aadmee ...he wears a large topi with aam aadmee written all over.

Congresswoman: Aah that `topi' thats only to fool the people and try to look like politician.

Me: But I thought you were very happy Kejriwal launched his own party...

Congresswoman: No, no, I think we were wrong...that fellow is very dangerous.....see we are so nice and gentle and we entertain people on television without being too offensive...you can ask Nerendrabhai Modi jee also...we never cross the line...

Me: But I saw Kejriwal restoring electric supply to  a labourers home....so he is for the aam aadmee...

Congresswoman: Aah that ..thats all a stunt...burning electricity bills...besides that labourer is not aam aadmee..he is too poor..he can't even pay his electricity bills.

Me: I don't follow...but I think the aam aadmee feels your government is really corrupt...tell me how Robert Vadra made 300 crores from just 50 lakhs in 3 years !

Congresswoman: See thats what I was saying they are just targeting aam aadmee...Robert Vadra is aam aadmee.

Me: No, no he cant be aam aadmee, he is the husband of Priyanka Gandhi (who may become India's Prime Minister)

Congresswoman: No, no I am talking about Robert Vadra...Priayanka married an aam aadmee..and now they tell us that aam aadmee cannot do business and become rich.

Me; But mam...300 crores in 3 years and from only 50 lakhs !

Congresswoman: Yes, yes, you see that is also India's growth story...if India can grow at 8 per cent..then aam aadmee can grow at 3000 per cent...

Me: But mam I am really not sure..I work very hard everyday but why am I not growing...

Congresswoman: I think thats because you do too much yoga and watch Ramdev Baba on TV!

me: No, but I also work very hard.....I am also a businesman...and I am aam aadmee..but I just wanted to know the secret...

Congresswoman: You fool. you cant guess even that..thats because Priyanka Gandhi did not marry you.

Aam Aadmi

By Manuwant Choudhary

Ever since our Prime Minister Dr. Manmohan Singh said that he is the Prime Minister of only the `aam aadmi' I am trying to figure out whether I am aam or khas.

So I met his top man in the Prime Ministers Office and this is how our talk went:

Me: I just want to find out from you whether I am `aam aadmee' or not?

Officer: If you have walked to get here you are not aam aadmee.

Me: No, but I did walk..you see fuel costs have gone up.

Officer: You don't even hear what our Hon. PM said, he said aam aadmee use scooters and bikes...and thats why the price of petrol was reduced by 5 rupees.

Me: But I thought Diesel is the poor man's fuel....Well, I don't have a scooter or a bike. ...

Officer: The PM did not talk about the poor..he only talked about aam aadmee.

Me: But would you say Laloo Prasad Yadav is aam aadmee...he is after all son of a poor man.

Officer: No, no..he is not aam aadmee ...he is distributing buses to schoolchildren to beat Nitish Kumar's cycle gifts to girls.

Me: Yes, yes, I know but Laloo is so poor.....thats why his supporter took off his shirt and shouted slogans against our hon. PM. Was he aam aadmee..?

Officer: Didn't you see that joker was not aam aadmee...he was wearing VIP underwear and banyan!

Me: So you mean aam aadmee don't wear banyan...

Officer: Look I am too busy with Big Ticket Reforms..I don't know why you are wasting my time...everyone knows who is aam aadmee.

Me: Ok, Ok, let me take a guess..is aam aadmee R.K. Laxman's common man?

Officer: No, no...never...the PM never said `Common Man' he said aam aadmee..besides that common man looks like LK Advani, only kinder.

Me: I did hear the PM mention something about gas cylinders....that aam aadmee use 6 cylinders.

Officer: Thats right.

Me: But would I be aam aadmee because I use only 1 and I have still not used it in ten years.

Officer: What do you mean? Obviously, you are not aam aadmee.

Me: But why is 1 cylinder in ten years not aam aadmee?

Officer: Because the PM said the aam aadmee uses 6 cylinders every year....

Me: Look I am totally confused with this cylinder business....tell me what was the Prime Minister really talking about when he said all this thing about hard decisions...how many cylinders does his BMW have?

Officer: 6 cylinder !

The Cow That Gives Oil

By Manuwant Choudhary

Mere pyare Pradhan Mantriji....yes, thats exactly how our hon. Prime Minister addressed us...the peepul...Mere pyaare bhehnon aur bhaiyon...

I am not sure when was the last time we heard him speak to us.

Definitely, not on the nuclear issue.

And I am also not sure if his speech about `time for hard decisions' melted our hearts.

Especially, since this government is black in coal.

I wish the Prime Minister had made this speech 8 years ago.

You may say better late than never.

Yet, I now certainly doubt whether Dr. Manmohan Singh has the country's interests at heart or just that of the Congress Party, of which he is a loyal servant.

When Dr. Singh became India's Finance Minister I had a rare occasion to walk alongside him at  a fundraiser in Bombay (I had sneaked in as the Press are not allowed entry at fundraisers in India, this is not America)

As we took a walk near the swimming pool I had put this question to him on whether he would like to be India's finance minister even if the Congress Party is voted out and he replied quite frankly, "No, never. I am a Congressman."

The reason I had put this question to him was because many in corporate India and even the media presented him like a technocrat who was not really a politician.

My one question showed that Dr. Manmohan Singh was no Todar Mal.

In Indian history one of the greatest finance ministers was Todar Mal during the reign of Sher Shah - the Afghan.

But after Sher Shah's death and the return of Humayun....and when Akbar becomes emperor he continued to keep Todar Mal (A Hindu) as his finance minister and as one of his nine ratnas.

Akbar became Akbar the Great for such decisions. He did not remove Todar Mal just because Todar Mal was Sher Shah's finance minsiter.

Todar Mal was simply the best man for the job.

And Akbar achieved many reforms during his long reign.

So compared to history, India's modern democracy is a shame.

We don't even have 9 Ratna's.

Let us now look at Oil, something the Prime Minister spoke about on how the poorest don't use oil but only kerosene.

It is kerosene that the poor don't use and is sold in the black market and even smuggled out of the country.

I am not in favour of any subsidies but surely the government must not treat this as a cow that gives oil!

Look at the figures.

A tank lorry for 12000 litres Diesel costs Rs.5,99, 101/- ex Barauni Oil Refinery but its actual value is only Rs.462888 - the rest are taxes !

Excise/Customs (Taken by the Indian government) - Rs.17520.

AED - Rs.24,000/-

Education - Rs.830.4

Higher Education Cess - Rs. 415.2

Transportation - Rs. 2059.2

And VAT (Taken by the State government) - Rs.91388.3

Service Tax: Rs.180.

If you leave out the transport cost, the total taxes on 12,000 liters HSD are Rs.1,34,333.90/-

So if every two days three petrol pumps in a town sell a tank lorry each, the government takes away Rs.400,000/ by way of taxes from the people.

And what does the government give in return to the town?

A police station that does not even register an FIR ! (And not a word about how to reduce the size of the government)

Liberalisation Through Bankruptcy

By Manuwant Choudhary

Sometimes in life you just go round in circles and this is so true with India.

Its clear that far from becoming an economic superpower, India is bankrupt again.

Rahul Gandhi can carry all the mud he wants on his head but its the mindless welfarism to bribe voters coupled with a lopsided economic development thats responsible for the mess we are in. (Also Rahuls friends carried away truckloads of coal)

For the record I am not a leftist from Jawaharlal University.

In fact I suppport economic liberalisation.

As a student of history in Bombay in the early nineties I recall meeting the great liberal Minoo Masani and I asked him what he thought of India's economic liberalisation and he replied, "This is liberalisation through bankruptcy, not intelligence."

Now almost two decades later we can again say that Masani smelt a rat two decades before anyone else.

Although it was a quirk of fate that Masani lived to see India being liberalised. The Swatantra Party he co-founded with Rajaji was India's only party that believed India should embrace the market economy.

The Swatantra Party today cannot even register itself because all parties are required to swear to a socialist constitution.

The Party challenged the People's Representation Act as it violates the basic structure of the constitution  which is democracy itself, yet the courts are yet to hear the matter in 20 years !

I am a liberaliser having studied it first and not because Obama or Hillary Clinton wish so ...

But with Mamata Banerjee walking out the cat is out of the bag.

Its now certain that right from India's nuclear policy to India's economic policy it is the United States that is giving the directions.

It worries me.

There was no need for Hillary Clinton to visit a chief minister of West Bengal but the Americans play all their cards, even the one's they should not.

The issue I am raising here is not of Dr. Manmohan Singh's honesty and integrity but whether he has any convictions.

The first time India went bankrupt it was because of decades of socialism and when India got rich it went in for mindless welfarism to bribe voters.

Dr. Singh is no magician and he knows that tinkering can only save the economy for a while.

The rot is deeper and we are not even scratching its surface nor are we willing to honestly tell the people of India of the mess we are in.

Economic liberalisation is not just about FDIs but also about building your own strengths. Its about priorities - not isms.

A nephew who lives in London visited his village in India and was shocked, "They have five mobile towers in the village but no electricty or water! "

Its not just about what you can buy from the world but also what you can sell the world. Free Trade.

Its not just about World Bank models to save the Indian farmer but how the Indian farmer can get back on his feet through sure grit, hard work and an economy that works , that he builds and that does not fleece him while telling him he is being subsidsed.

Simply put India and you cannot live beyond your means