Sex & Sensex

By Manuwant Choudhary

I sometimes wonder who is more dangerous Arnab Goswami or Asaram Bapu?

In Patna at Kargil Chowk I met some women supporters of Asaram Bapu on dharna and they believe that Arnab is actually  jealous of Asaram Bapu who has more devotee eyeballs at his Sanskar channel than Arnab has on his Times Now.

The rivalries are such that when Asaram was accused of a sexual rape charge....Arnab kept referring him as Godman for two hours non-stop and then suddenly at the end, "No, but why should we call him Godman? Yes, yes, just Asaram.....he is an ordinary Asaram...."

I  suspect there are other reasons why newschannels hate Godmen - one is because they have their own channels, two is because they are richer, and three they don't share...no..they don't even give 10 second Ads to Times Now.

Godanchors hate Godmen.

And lo and behold..I was watching CNN-IBN and suddenly instead of Godman Rajdeep Sardesai there was Godman Sri Sri Ravishankar.....and at the top a tiny Advt was displayed....but sorry Godman Arnab you lost this round...Rajdeep got the mullah !

These days every bania shop is discussing the sex life of Asaram Bapu...(they haven't removed his photo even and more flowers)

Like how does he heal women at night?

They always believed he was a GOD but they were not sure of his manhood.

So it was a pleasant surprise and many are happy to know that Asaram Bapu has passed the manlihood test.

A woman told me that can you believe Asaram can rape a 16 year old?

Does he look like a rapist?

And I replied in the negative. Definitely he does not look like a rapist. In fact, there were other Godmen on Prime Time TV...some of whom actually looked like rapsists.

But in such matters one can't go by looks alone...

The police have arrested Asaram's servant and he told the police that Asaram met women alone at night.

But the medical report says there was no rape...just molestation...

This is crazy....and I have been reasoning why the Congress Party is happy with Asaram's arrest while the BJP is not.....

And why should a holyman in Rahul Gandhi's Amethi cut off his own genitals although he did not rape anyone?

We really don't need the Taliban?

In all this sex stuff...the Sensex has been forgotten....

If only a handsome RBI Governor could sex up the Sensex.

But dollars don't come in that way....our Prime Minister has been busy in St. Petersburg asking his poor and rick freinds to help a friend in need.

Instead of going to the IMF he is helping create another dollar reserve to `source' up the Rupee.

Its like telling Japan...let me go on spending like mad...and if it all dries up..then can I borrow some from you?

Just to honour Madam Sonia's Food Bill, "Its not a question of not having the money. We have to find the money..."

Our Prime Minister should have told her "Money does not grow on trees..."

But he didn't.

So we have the Food Bill, the Land Theft Bill, the Save the Convicted MP Bill, the Dearness Bill, the Pension Bill....

And now..the Mental Bill 2013.....

Its madness....

`Let Us Bite The Bullet' says Indian Prime Minister

By Manuwant Choudhary

My two pups Timone & Pumba have been very worried since the stock market collapse and a hundred billion dollars just left the country in a single day !

They sit and watch the TV debates like its the end of the world.

Me: Why are you two so sad? Surely you don't invest in the stock market?

Timone: You don't understand...we have every reason to worry.

Pumba: I agree with Timone. You just don't understand. You don't understand even after reading newspapers.

Me: What newspaper?

Timone: Didn't you read about the cabinet meeting on Food Security Bill?

Pumba: It said that P. Chidamabaram and Sharad Pawar and others ganged up to oppose the bill.

Me: Thats good. They are right after all. Where will they find 5000 crore rupees to distribute rice all over India?

Timone: Ah they are the government...like Kings...they have so much money...they don't know where to keep them in India so they keep it in Swiss banks!

Pumba: yes, yes, and with the dollar now at Rs.65 you can imagine how much richer the corrupt with Swiss bank accounts have become.

Timone: I like Baba Ramdev...just bring back the Swiss bank money and why 5000 crores...we will show america how its dollars will fly back to Bombay.....

Me: But i still don't understand why you two are worried?

Pumba: Didn't you read the Prime Minister stopped his ministers from quarelling and said `Lets Bite the Bullet..'

Me: But yes, and what does that mean?

Timone: Surely, it does not mean the Congress Seva Dal workers getting themselves shot in UP!

Pumba: But I did see Congressmen buying bullets in Delhi.

Timone: Congressmen are like slaves they will eat anything as long as the High Command tells them to...

Me: You mean they will eat bullets?

Timone: You don't understand...its a question of life & death for us..

Me: But obviously you don't eat bullets. Biting a bullet is a metaphor..er.errr...it means something else.

Pumba: So you tell us what it means?

Me...er...ah....if you know then why don't you tell me..and by the way how do you know what happened at the cabinet meet in such detail.

Timone: The Editor is our friend.

Me; You mean Editor of Hindustan Times?

Timone: No. I mean the Editor who lives in Delhi.

Me: Cummon...you two are just Dogs....why would the Editor even talk to you both?

Timone: I love AK Antony he says the Food Bill has to be passed because Soniaji promised it to the people...and that pledge is most important.

Pumba: I like Prannoy Roy also..he said the Food Subsidy is more important than the Fuel subsidy..after all its for the poor....But why did the PM end the debate with the biting bullet thing? He should have said lets all eat rice...

Me: But I still don't understand why you two are interested in the food bill of all things...you get your four square meals every day...

Timone: Ah you don't even know where our rice comes from.

Me: It comes from the market.

Pumba: Heh, no your mom buys it from the poor at Rs.15 per kilo...in the market it is Rs.30 per kilo...

Me: You mean the poor don't eat rice..they sell rice.

Timone: yes, its we who eat rice...the poor don't eat rice..they want money to become rich.

Me: But who is the Editor you both know...

Pumba: He is Vinod Mehta's dog !

Me: This is too much...my dogs know so much..but I am sure this Editor got it wrong...the Prime Minister only said, "Let Us Bite the Ballot.."

Leonard Cohen - A Thousand Kisses Deep

Riad Abdel Gawad Should Play His Music At Tahrir Square

Verax - Edward Snowden - A short film

Its Onions This Independence Day

By Manuwant Choudhary

India is going to import onions to bring down the high onion prices and more restrictions on foreign exchange and a ban on buying properties abroad as well as curbs on gold imports is like the return to socialism.

So I had hoped the Prime Ministers independence day speech would bring back some confidence in the economy.

But instead our PM spoke about the glorious days of how Panditji built all the industries, how Indiraji made India great and how Rajivji's decade pushed India to modernity.

He was not honest because he never told the people that those were in fact the wasted decades which resulted India becoming bankrupt by the early nineties.

But hidden in his speech is a line that says that unless agriculture improves in the country it is hard to remove poverty.

In his eight years as India's Prime Minister I wish he had done something about agriculture.

This is not a PM versus Modi blog but in a diverse country such as India you can't become PM on a communal rocket !

Yes He Can & Gun Salutes!

By Manuwant Choudhary

News in India can be really amusing at times like the BJP PM aspirant Narendra Modi in a public meet at Hyderabad stole from Obama's election campaign..."Yes We Can..."

I'm not sure if he stole the show but media reports suggest the crowd was large and young and there was quite a fervour.

So I just wonder what went on in the minds of Indian youth when Modi shouted `Yes We Can'.

Modi is the same man under whose regime the Gujarat riots happened where thousands were killed.

So Yes He Can !

I am not yet sure about Modi's development agenda but one thing is certain the next election in 2014 is a test for India's securalism as much as it is about a vote against corruption.

Narendra Modi is yet unable to get a United States visa so when he says Yes We Can is he talking about getting a US visa?

Yes He Can !

I am not a big fan of the BJP and you must be wondering why I am behaving like Subramanian Swamy...

No I have not joined the BJP.

Its just that I read somewhere that the BJP has employed thousands of internet warriors who are going to be paid to read all reports about Modi, even the negative ones, and evaluate.

I think its a good idea to write..at least my blog hits will improve !

But Subramanian Swamy says he has joined the BJP because of patriotism !

Like the patriotic JD (U) politicians are saying all the wrong things.

And instead of a focus on Pakistan..the Indian media is gunning for some unimportant Bihar politicians...

But what really is this patriotism about?

Is it like this man who a few days ago jumped into a lions den at Patna zoo and the lion pounced on his back.

Luckily, the zoo keeper in a split second distracted and caged the lion in his night shelter.

But the man would not leave the den.

He wanted a loudspeaker since he wanted to talk to Allah !

And finally, a seven gun salute to freedom fighter revolutionary Khudi Ram Bose went horribly wrong because the bullets were so old that only two fired.