Hum Kaale Hain To Kya Hua...The Song Black Money Is Singing...

The King & The Foolish Monkey

India's Economy In A Tailspin - As Predicted By BJP MP

By Manuwant Choudhary

The Indian economy is in a tailspin...a prediction come true by BJP MP Dr. Subramanian Swamy.

After the recent cash ban Dr. Swamy has been put on mute but I have saved a letter he wrote to Prime Minister Narendra Modi.

It says, " Based on my reading of various indicators of Indian economy, I feel compelled to inform you that the economy is in its early phase of a tailspin. If curative measures are not taken then a major crash is inevitable between coming November and February 2016.."

The letter is dated September 15,2015, and although the crash never happened between November and February 2016, its clear Swamy talked about the `tailspin' being in its early phases.

He suggested two solutions..first was to abolish Income Tax to enthuse the middle classes in India to save money. This was an attempt to shore up the money into the banks voluntarily and not what Modi has done now by demonitising.

And second he wrote to PM about lowering interest rates since international lenders were taking advantage and engaged in interest arbitage...and since Raghuram Rajan was opposing lowering of interest rates he should be asked to go.

Interestingly Dr. Swamy also wrote how during Modi's term large sums of black money had already entered into the Indian economy.

"Since you took oath of office, of the 24 billion dollars, almost 18 billion dollars have come from Mauritius and Singapore, which means most of the foriegn investments is really a recycling of black money and not genuine new foreign investments."

"Therefore I urge you to take personal interest and create a Crisis Management Team, wihin the PMO for taking urgent steps to see that the Indian economy does not spiral down to crash."

Modi accepted two parts  of Swamy's advice - to remove Raghuram Rajan and form a Crisis Management Team.

But what he did by demonitising currency did not `spiral down the economy to a crash' but `brought it to a grinding halt'..just like when you apply a sudden brake on an Indian highway...as a holy cow jumps out of nowhere...

But I wonder what Modi is telling Swamy in the photo above..?

Andher Nagari, Chaupat Raja

Andher Nagari, Chaupat Raja (A Dark City, Useless King) is an old play by Bhartendu Harishchandra but it perfectly describes the socialist India we live in...These days everything in India is rupaye 500 ! And no prizes for guessing the name of the King...

ATM Bhagwan - India Is In Queue !

By Manuwant Choudhary

Hindus already have 33 million Gods but thanks to Modiji they have just discovered one more God - ATM Bhagwan !

Even cremating black money the Hindu way...by burning...or a dip in the holy Ganga or Mahananda or Brahmaputra by throwing the black money in it is not going to wash away the sins anymore.

Not even on Poornima (the full moon)

There is a `Satellite Baba' in Patna...who has made many predictions like Rabri becoming chief minister to Laloo going to prison...to Lord  Ganesh drinking milk.

So I went to see him.

He was in deep meditation..with old 500 and 1000 rupee currency stuck on his trishul..looking like Shiva himself.

As I entered his third eye opened...

"Bol Bum...bol bum...jai shiv shankar...dushman ko tang kar."

I asked him babaji i have only two bananas to offer you, no money, but I need you help.

Satellite Babaji, "Bol Baccha."

Me: "When will I be able to withdraw money?"

Babaji: "Tum ATM bhagwan ka jaap karo."

Me: But I already worship Lakshmi....the God of Wealth..."

Babaji: No that alone will not help..Lakshmiji is just about money and if government takes money away then she is gone.

Me: But I am not so rich....Will ATM Bhagwan listen to my prayers? ATM Bhagwan gives only what I give to him...not more not less...but I am a poor man..

Babaji: Do rupaye daloge to do rupaye hee milega...

Me: But what God does Modiji worship? With one announcement overnight all of India's money has gone into his pocket. Is it his 56 inch chest?

Babaji: Bewakoof...56 inch seena se koi teri jeb tak kaise pahunchega...common sense..jeb tak pahunchne ke liye 56 feet ka haath chahiye...

Me: But is that possible?

Babaji: First all Hindu women should go on a fast like Anna Hazare..

Me: But why?

Babaji: Tabhee ATM Bhagwan kush honge......Bol Bum..Bol Bum...Jai Shiv Shankar...dushman ko tang kar....ATM Bhagwan ki Jai....!

Kahani 3 - Modi's Black Magic

Courtesy Usha Pandit

All those who are enamoured of the Demonitisation do read on:

The Masterstroke Policy of Demonitisation:

The media is hailing Modi’s demonitisation of old 500 and 1000 Rs notes as a masterstroke policy on curbing the menace of black money.

Really?

Hmmmm.

Lets have a look into a few figures.

*What if I told you that total Bad Loans of Indian Banks right now is close to Rs.6,00,000 crore.

_* What if I told you that PSU Banks are in a miserable condition right now, and need immediate infusion of money to shore up their lending capacities?

_* What if I told you that few weeks back credit rating agency Moody’s had stated that Indian Banks require Rs.1.25 lakh crore capital infusion?

_* What if I told you that in July 2016 the Centre injected 23,000 crore into 13 Public Sector Banks?

_* What if I told you that Jaitley said it in 2015 that the Centre would pump in more than 70,000 crore in PSU in coming 4 years?

And

What if I told you that this demonitisation is nothing but a measure to infuse money in those ailing Banks so as to shore up their lending capacities?

Can’t you see people queuing up banks to deposit their hard earned money, waiting hours for their turn?

What other “Masterstroke” would have made this possible?

Just trigger the panic button by stating that your old 500 and 1000 rupees currency is no longer a valid legal tender, and Voila !!!

People are queuing up since morning to deposit their hard earned money.

What for?

To curb the menace of black money? By bringing in new Rs.2000 note?

You don’t curb black money by bringing in notes of higher denomination.

In fact, you are now simplifying hoarding of black money by bringing in new notes of higher denomination.

Ok. So what would banks do with the fresh infusion of money from public pockets?

Lend of course. That’s what their business is.

And to whom would these banks lend their money to?

You? Me?

So sweet of you

You are in the deposit queue dear.

The following are in the withdrawal queue:

(note: the figures in bracket are their present repayable amount which they owe to various banks)

10. GVK Reddy (GVK Group) (33933 crores)

9. Venugopal Dhoot (Videocon Group) (45405 crores)

8. L. Madhusoodan Rao (Lanco Group) (47102 Crores)

7. G.M. Rao (GMR Group) (47976 Crores)

6. Sajjan Jindal (JSW Group) (58163 Crores)

5. Manoj Gaur (Japypee Group) (75163 Crores)

4. Goutam Adani (Adani Group) (96031 Crores)

3. Shashi Ruia & Ravi Ruia (Essar Group) (101000 Crores)

2. Anil Aggarwal (the Vedanta Group) (103000 Crores)

And

Finally

Anil Ambani (Reliance Group) (125000 Crores)

The govt.just carried out a surgical strike in your pockets, and now you are running like chickens.

That’s how crony capitalism works.

Now call me whatever you like-Marxist, Communist, Anarchist, Congi agent,Conspiracy theorist blah blah blah…

Operation Rs.500 - My Hanuman Mandir Experience !

By Manuwant Choudhary

This morning I was in one of those rare moods so I visited Patna's famous Hanuman Mandir near the Patna railway station for a `darshan'.

Since Hanuman is the Hindu God who gives you strength in times of difficulties.

Patna has many Hanuman mandirs...but two are popular...they could win elections too.

One is like really massive and strong made from Buland cement so  he is called `Hitler' Hanuman...

Hanuman is one Indian god who is so powerful he can encroach on any road he likes and no government can remove him...he is more powerful than even Maoists.

But I prefer the railway station Hanuman for their laddoos made from pure ghee like the ones from Tirupati.

The first time I had the Hanuman laddoos were ironically from Bihar's chief minister Rabri Devi herself, while her husband Laloo Yadav looked on..."Kha lijiye...Hanuman Mandir ka ghee ka laddoo hai...," I recall she offered with much affection.

Also nowadays in `acche din' it is hard to even donate old clothes, since most Indians have become rich..they have cards and plastic wallets and plastic money and Big Basket what not...

But Hanuman mandir still has beggars who accept humble donations...this is what happened..

Coming out from the temple I reached for my wallet and took out some money and offered Rs.500 to a beggar...

Beggar: This is Black Money...I will not accept it.

Me: It looks yellow to me..not black...

Beggar: Don't you have TV at home...Modiji says Rs.500 is black money.

Me: But all these years I have purchased so many things from Rs.500 and now you say all this from midnight..

Beggar: I believe what Modiji says...he wants to remove black money and since Rs.500 is black money it should be removed..

Me: You mean it should be burnt...only its ashes are black..

Beggar: Don't give it to me ..do what you want with it...

Me: But it has Mahatma Gandhi on it so how can it be Black...he was an apostle of truth...

Beggar: I just like Modiji...he is so brave..removing money from India...everybody is praising him...even Narayanmurthy...

Me: Common...I just want to give you some money so you can feed your family and you are talking about some colour of money.

Beggar: But I am honest..I don't accept black money...

Me: Is Rs.500 less..how about Rs.1000?

Beggar: Never. Even that is black money...

Me: But how?

Beggar: Modiji says it is black money used for terror attacks on India?

Me: But terrorists can use any money...even dollars and pounds..or...dinaars...

Beggar: I just believe Modiji...

Me: But Rs.500 is guaranteed by The Central Government & Reserve Bank of India...

Beggar: I just believe Modiji....

Me: Rs.500 even has signature of Raghuram G. Rajan, RBI Governor...

Beggar: I want signature of Baba Ramdev !

INS VIRAAT - Margdarshan Mandals Strike Back ! (3)

By Manuwant Choudhary

Narendra Modi is been having bad dreams ever since Mulayam Singh took on his son Akhilesh Yadav in UP, and Ratan Tata  ousts the young and dynamic Cyrus Mistry.

But he has had no time even to read Ratan Tata's letter.

The man who disturbs Modi's sleep is  L.K. Advani...the leader of the BJPs own Margdarshan Mandal.

When the `Hurriyat' in Kashmir refused to meet any of Modi's men or even our MPs, they agreed to meet a member of this `mandal' Yashwant Sinha.

How powerful?

But let me not digress, old aircraft carriers can be decommissioned, old factories scrapped but old ideas, prejudices, political ideologies, caste reservations  and old politicians continue...

I really enjoyed my stay on INS Viraat especially when we were allowed to go to any part of the ship we wanted.

It was fun.

We became children once more, discovering level after level with a wonder.

If I remember correctly, INS Viraat had seven levels..each one with those steel ladders like in a chimney.

I kept wondering how the ship moved.

Its only when we got to the engine room that our questions were answered.

The INS Viraat is a steam-driven ship.

Water from the sea is taken and boilers turn it into steam and the heavy pressures turn the engines turbine...

Even the water is purified and sent through pipes to different parts of the ship.

A wonder - maybe they should dock this in Tamil Nadu - so they stop fighting over drinking water..

But the engine room is hot..above 50 degrees at all times and the men who work there get only a 4 hour shift.

Its unbearable to spend more time near the furnace.

The perk - free ice-creams.

I met a few of the men enjoying their ice creams under a direct blast of cold air, soon after their duty got over.

I talked to them and admired them..they were in their vests..sweaty and exhausted from the heat....when one of them asked me where I was from?

I told them, "Bihar".

Their eyes lit up, their exhaustion gave way to smiles.

Most of them were from Bihar, some from UP - the men Raj Thackeray and Shiv Sena attack repeatedly.

But here they did not ask me my caste or religion, they were all proud Indians.

INS Viraat is a marvel !

But journalists are permitted to be nasty..so my main aim I confess was only to watch the defence minister rapple from one moving ship to another.

The last time the defence minister did this was Sharad Pawar, in his white trouser and shirt.

But our raksha mantri was Mulayam Singh Yadav and my imagination went haywire as to how he would rapple across ships, in high velocity winds, in his dhoti !

He chickened out at the last minute.

But I also wanted an exclusive interview with him, so one day I managed to shake off the other journalists and went around the ship looking for Mulayam Singh Yadav.

And what luck when I see Mulayam Singh Yadav alone on the deck, looking pensively into the Arabian Sea...

Here was what I was waiting for...

I went close to him..real near..and was about to tap him on his shoulder when I stopped.

Mulayam was not wearing a dhoti, but a pyjama !

I looked closely - he turned out to be Mulayam's brother - Shivpal Yadav !(The man in the eye of the storm in UP now)

INS Viraat - War Games On The High Sea (2)

By Manuwant Choudhary

The giant INS Viraat is the real `mothership' and not what Modi was talking about.

Actually Narendra Modi cannot offend even the word `mother' so in describing Pakistan, he, at the last second, called it the `mothership' of terror.

But on INS Viraat even an ant can feel the power.

The aircraft carrier is huge and you don't feel sea sickness at all.

When it sails..it has speed...a momentum that you know you can easily finish Karachi and more.

An aircraft carrier is not for defence, but offence, so every time our politicians tell us how we buy arms only for our self-defence, remember this.

Yet, as I looked out at the the blue as far as one could see, my respect for the fishermen who live at the Machchimaar Nagar, Cuffe Parade in Bombay, grew even more...so far away from India's coastline, there they were fishing in the deep waters.

The small boats tossed against the waves...and their communication systems may have been rudimentary at best.

Just to earn a living.

A naval exercise of this scale requires international permissions so that commercial liners don't use this area.

But  getting the smaller fishing boats out of the way is the real challenge.

So helicopters, equipped with loud speakers, make the final sorties warning  all boats to leave the area.

The other thing is protection to the aircraft carrier itself.



So there were eight war ships on either side. with warrior names ....like INS Ranbir..equipped with the best guns to prevent any enemy ship to get within range.

Its deafening so they gave us ear plugs...

I walked around the top deck taking the photos when senior officers were not looking....behaving like a pro....

The sunrise and the sunsets are beautiful..so complete...unobstructed by any man-made `developments'.

I don't think one can feel this way even on an expensive luxury liner.

And then the night...

Its scary..the sound of a ship moving into the darkness at a speed measured in Knots.

The sounds were poetic of the Tennyson kind in `The Charge Of The Light Brigade'

"Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon in front of them
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of hell
Rode the six hundred.

 We were given the best rooms, meant for the pilots, it had iron beds and a small basin in the corner, just enough to move but not stretch.

I thought of the pilots in wartime !

When at some unworldly hour we were woken-up and without even getting a chance to wash up, we had to get on the deck...climbing steep iron ladders virtually up a chimney...

It must be 2 am.

No fishing boats around..

And there we were ..

Then a Boom !

A flash of lightening.

A ship alongside fired a missile...

And within a few seconds another ship fired another missile.

We could see one missile chase the other...

Until, in the distant, we got see the second missile hit the first.

An explosion...just a dot...(faster than any camera to catch)...

 An extra-terestrial experience, more like a collision of comets.

Aboard INS Viraat - A Journey On The High Seas (1)

By Manuwant Choudhary

Its funny how one suddenly remembers something... It can be anything...someone..or simply a journey.

Two days ago I kept thinking about my trip aboard India's aircraft carrier the INS Viraat, so I searched the net and got latest news reports of the Indian navy decommissioning the old lady - age 57 years.

INS Viraat is even in the Guinness Book of Records as being the oldest aircraft carrier in the world.

Viraat is the Sanskrit word for Giant, India had purchased the HMS Hermes from Britain in 1987 after its illustrious career of 27 years that includes the Falkland Wars.



In the early 1990's as I worked as a reporter in Bombay I got a call from the Public Relations office of the Indian army, "Would you like to visit  Kashmir - as a guest of the Indian army?".

The catch - all reports would have to go through the military intelligence censors - word by word - before being published.

I declined.

So some months later I got another offer...a trip aboard INS Viraat - India's aircraft carrier.

Journalists have a term for such trips - its called a `junket' - where you go have a good time and if you are really kind you write a smallish report.

But the PRO this time knew I would never go if they censor our reports.

So he said, "We will not censor your report this time. Is that OK? But no photographers please.."

So I asked him, "Can I at least take my own camera?"

He replied, "No, thats against the rules...We will have an official photographer onboard."

So I told him, "Then I will not go."

He again pleaded, "Ok you can take a small Hotshot camera."

I said, "But I don't have a small camera. Mine is a BIG Canon..."

Very reluctantly, "Ok bring it along but I have not told you anything. Is that clear?"

I said, "Clear".

So I found myself onboard a naval vessel and for hours we tossed on the Arabian Sea...
and then we were taken on a Westland helicopter to INS Viraat...

My editor Behram Contractor, I recall, did not like the idea...he knew it was a junket...a joy ride..no serious journalist would go.

He was right.

The helicopter ride I remember felt like a tractor !

Sabse Khatarnaak - The Most Dangerous Thing - By Paash - Hindi Poetry

Exclusive - Inside Karan Johar's New Film Minus Fawad Khan !

By Manuwant Choudhary

Now its final - Karan Johar will never cast Fawad Khan or any other beauty from Pakistan - but he is faced with a task - finding a Fawad Khan replacement for his new film.

So a much pressured Karan called me over to brainstorm...

As I entered his plush bungalow with those green carpets and staircase leading to the floor above, he greeted me -

Karan: Bharat Mata Ki Jai !

Me: Common ya, you can just say Hi, no need for all that...

Karan: Are you mad? This is Mumbai, not Bombay...everyone has to say it. Just like you have to stand before every film when the national anthem plays.

Me: I do not mean disrespect but is it true that people in Mumbai are the only patriots in India, no national anthem is played elsewhere...

Karan: I am a peace loving guy and who wants all this ruckus...so just do what you are told..and Bharat Mata Ki Jai !

Me: Lets get to the point why have you called me?

Karan: I can't get a replacement for Fawad Khan...

Me: You mean you want me to replace Fawad Khan...I have no class....I am not from Lahore or Islamabad..I am from goddam Bihar...

Karan: Thats besides the point. You can't even act...

Me: Thank God ! Imagine having to dance with Sonam Kapoor !



Karan: Can you suggest names?

Me: (Thinking hard)..How about Dilip Kumar?

Karan: He is from Pakistan...he even got their highest civilian award...and he is too old..I need someone like macho Fawad Khan...

Me: The only evergreen actor is Dev Anand...

Karan: Again NO, even he is from Pakistan....and isn't he dead?

Me: Ok, ok, how about the three Khans...Shahrukh, Saif and Aamir...

Karan: I don't want to take any more risks with that surname...

Me: Has anyone threatened you..they are Indian, not Pakistani...

Karan: What happened To My Name Is Khan?

Me: I can tell you Bollywood is really short of decent actors...how about Tiger?

Karan: You really want me to get kicked out of India like M.F. Husain? Tiger Memon you suggest the guy who bombed Mumbai and got his passport in two hours !

Me: No, no I never meant him....even he may be in Pakistan....I was suggesting Tiger Shroff..see how he romances with Disha Patani - starts kicking all around her. - he is definitely better than Fawad..

Karan: I need someone politically correct...

Me: Ok how about Dr. Manmohan Singh  - the loyalist.

Karan: He is also from Pakistan.

Me: L.K. Advani??

Karan: He is also from Pakistan?

Me:  Raj Thackeray?

Karan: But his chest size is not 56 inches...

Me: You want Modi then?

Karan: I already asked him but he is too busy with China, US, Russia and Pakistan...

Me: Pappu Yadav....

The Hindu Guarding A Church

By Manuwant Choudhary

Bachcha Singh is not a big man...he is simply a private security guard at the Christ Church near Patna's Gandhi maidan, established in 1852 its the oldest Church in Patna with ties to the Church of England.

Its located on the eastern side of Patna's Gandhi maidan and you can see its steeple rise high above the giant hoardings, it looks pristine amongst the unplanned, haphazard urban landscape we call `Smart'.

So I felt like visiting Jesus but wasn't sure about its timings.

The guard Bachcha Singh informed that prayers are held on Sundays from 7 am to 12 noon.

I told him I wasn't a Christian so could I visit and this led to him talking about religion, morals and his own life.

It was so different from what the country's `chowkidaar' and the RSS preach.

Bachcha Singh, "Sir, people come here to pray because they want `Shanti' (peace) and all religions are the same in that sense. There is no difference."

"But to have peace you also need to keep a few things in mind".

I asked him what, "Life is like a candle...today is gone...it will never come back and your life on this earth is only getting shorter..so what do you want to do with your life of what remains?"

"Two things once they leave never come back, one is life itself (Praan) and the other is a promise. Don't make a promise but if you do then give your life for it."

He went on, "But what I have just told you is not the easy path....your nearest ones can get in the way. Too much of friendships and too much enmity are both dangerous."

I asked him like what, "You may have decided to spend your life with your wife but what happens when she fights with you if you don't give her money. The India today has changed. Before I could educate my younger brothers and my wife would support me, now she will say why don't you save money for your own children?"

"Sir, more people get killed in the villages than on the border, for land and even smaller disputes."

He then told me about how he became a security guard,

"I wanted to join the army..selection ho bhee jaata..but my father refused to pay Rs.4,000 bribe money....Had he paid that then like so many jawans I would have retired and would be getting a pension."

"Now I earn Rs.6,500 a month and I have children to educate and a daughter to marry."

His face then lit up.

"But sir, I am standing at this church and I know God looks after me...because even with me being so poor I managed to get my daughter married. The first family I approached they agreed. The expenses for marriage is high...some I had saved others my former officers where I worked they helped me out. For me this is a miracle."

He then spoke about the middle path....almost like Buddha...its not good to create enemies..its better to walk in the middle.....

Just then a loaded cart  sped out of the Church gate and Bachcha Singh had to shout, "Hey, you stop..what are you trying to steal !"

In French, the trait that best describes Indian politicians

Pink Floyd - Another Brick In The Wall

Goa Is Not For BRICS Summit

By Manuwant Choudhary

I've  never been to Goa but this has nothing to do with me not being a beach person.

Yet when I watch the news and Goa these days its all about  not so great politicians and their arms deals.

Goa is about sun, sand and sea and definitely not about more nukes, missiles and terror !

So I just switch off !

A former Portuguese colony Goa is pretty and some 4 lakh tourists visit each year but this is less than in Bihar (although they may be spending more and staying longer).

The little bit I know about Goa is from my friend late Sauvik Chakraverti's blog The Antidote (now shut).

He would write some great stuff from Goa.

Like he would write against the indiscriminate mining in Goa, "Thank God I am a writer and I am not some guy digging dirt somewhere."

Or he would talk about where there should be  a road or a bridge to shorten distances.

And he would write about freedom.

Yet, Goa's peace has also been disturbed in recent years.

So has its image.

                                                       First, when Sarah Keeling, a British teen, was raped and murdered.

And after years of court cases, all the accused have been set free.

Recently, Monika Ghurde, India's famous perfumer, was raped and murdered in her apartment.

A former apartment guard has been arrested.

Law and order is a prime concern, unfortunately governments spend all their time elsewhere.

Like India's defence minister Manohar Parrikar is credited with first supporting Narendra Modi as Prime Minister.

In return he is India's defence minister.

And now he says he is India's best dressed defence minister. (He wears a crushed half-shirt with baggy trousers and chappals !)

What about Babu Jagjivan Ram and Mulayam Singh Yadav in dhoti? I thought dhoti's are Indian and dignified.

In Parrikar's Goa, governments spend money on booklets on what tourists should wear and what they should not, like they must not ride a bike topless (in English and Russian).

Wonder, what booklet they gave Putin !

Just an after thought. What if Peru instead of Brazil was a member of this new club, what would it be called - PRICS .....

India's Great Depression

By Manuwant Choudhary

These days everyone is so depressed...Deepika Padukone, Karan Johar and even Barkha Dutt.

But in all the TV interviews its been hard, really hard to get to the bottom of it.

It goes on and on....so I searched the net to get some reasons.

And what I found were only fan support for Deepika.

Why not? She has had five back to back super-hit films.

Is success the cause ?

I've enjoyed her films and she comes across as a happy and fit person.

She is a great actor.

Or is it love and the break-ups?

Im sure she has been through that enough of times already?

Not for Ranbir Kapoor, definitely.

Those tears look too beautiful.

And then she launched a Foundation "Live, Love & Laugh".

She forgot one word - CRY.

 Karan Johar, the handsome producer/director, host, now even he is depressed.

I've enjoyed watching his celebrity interviews...how easily they open up to him, sitting on a couch, drinking Coffee with Karan !

Even my old friend Saif Ali Khan smiles on his shows, not once getting angry or violent !

As a reporter in Bombay I've not been so lucky especially with actresses and models !

They would just clam-up.

The only exception being Nikki Bedi.

She would go into her kitchen and get those endless cups of coffee and little heart biscuits while our photographer  was like inside her closet..making her get into those minis as many times as they wanted. She was such a sport.

Until, of course she giggled at some Gandhi comment on her Nkki Tonight show and Gandhians forced her to leave India.

I felt sad.

I think its alright to feel depressed.

We all do.

The reasons may vary.

Like Khushwant Singh writes, "Its tragic that a clean man like Manmohan Singh loses an election while Phoolan Devi wins."

"Chargesheeted politicians like L.K. Advani and Murli Manohar Joshi continue to hold office. The situation is really pathetic; it cannot get worse. I drown my sorrow in a glass of whisky every evening..."

In these good times (acche din) even markets are depressed.

 My reason for being depressed - Narendra Modi is India's Prime Minister.

But living in Bihar Nitish Kumar denies me even the whisky to drown my sorrows...

Hindu Leaders, Not Jinnah First Proposed the Partition of India

                                          In Mourning - By Satish Gujral

By Manuwant Choudhary

For three months now the state of Jammu & Kashmir is in a lockdown.

The PDP-BJP government in Kashmir twiddle their thumbs.

Almost on a daily basis there are reports of either a terror attack or cross-border firing and casualties that come with it.

Most of India regard Mohammed Ali Jinnah as the villain of the piece, someone solely responsible for the partition of India.

A video on the Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh (RSS) website mentions how RSS carried out relief work during partition.

It also mentions that Gandhiji even attended some of their sessions and that they were wrongly blamed for his assassination.

The video highlights the greatness of its Hindu leaders in nation building.

Just yesterday the Prime Minister paid a similar tribute to Deendayal Upadhyay (founder of Jana Sangh, the party that preceded the BJP), "A nations army must be powerful only then can the nation be powerful."

It doesn't surprise me why Gandhiji, a great practitioner of Hinduism, never became an RSS member.

A.G. Noorani writes in detail in Frontline how it was Hindu leaders who first proposed the Partition of India. http://www.frontline.in/static/html/fl1826/18260810.htm

And Khushwant Singh in his book - Absolute Khuswant - writes about his pain at leaving Lahore.

"In fact, Jinnah, who was very close to my father. had told him that I could stay in Lahore and he'd also told my father that he'd make me a judge at the Lahore High Court."

"In India long before Jinnah came up with the two nation theory, it was people like Keshav Baliram Hegdewar, Bal Gangadhar Tilak, Lajpat Rai and V.D. Savarkar who had come up with the Hindu nation theory. Lajpat Rai had even drawn a map of divided India, dividing the country into two parts along religious lines. It was a botched-up surgical operation."

"India's arms were chopped off without any anaesthesia and streams of blood flooded the land of the five rivers known as Punjab."

"War broke out between Muslims on one side and Hindus and Sikhs on the other. It was not like other wars where armed men battle each other, but one in which one side, armed with swords, knives and staves, slew the other, unarmed and unresisting.

"Over ten million were uprooted from their homes...a million killed in cold blood and almost overnight Muslims, Hindus and Sikhs became sworn enemies."

Khushwant Singh was himself present outside the Indian Parliament when Nehru gave his midnight speech...outside they were all chanting Bharat Mata Ki Jai.

He writes, "Mahatma Gandhi did not take any part in the independence celebrations. He remained quiet and went on a fast."

Gandhiji told his secretary Pyarelal, "I find myself alone...but let it not be said that Gandhi was a party to India's vivisection."

Let us not forget that it is this history of India that has propelled a Narendra Modi as Prime Minister, seeds that were sown long ago...before India's birth.

Its still midnight here and no dawn yet in Pakistan...

(The Partition Project - A group of citizen historians are recording events from the Partition of India by interviewing people who lived through it and it will be released in 2017.)

My Father Would Have Loved MS Dhoni

By Manuwant Choudhary

My father would have loved MS Dhoni, not because his `Untold Story'  earned 85 crores, but because Mahendra Singh Dhoni represents the India of my fathers dreams.

India as a sporting nation not a bickering one.

Like Dhoni my father was a footballer - a goalkeeper !

From the bits and pieces I recall...he played for the Benares Hindu University.

In college when his friends would be going to watch a Waheeda Rehman film, my father would be in shorts heading either to the football field or to play tennis.

Once and only once a friend of his managed to force him for a film...and he landed up at the cinema hall in shorts and football boots and a tennis racket!

He also loved being in the NCC (National Cadet Corps) and after University he wanted to join the Indian army..he did get a call letter but the family didn't let him.

Many years later he would roar, "Had I joined the Indian army I would have been a Brigadier or a General !"

But his passion was sports.

When he completed his graduation from BHU my grandfather sent his Munshiji (Manager) to check the results.

The Munishji started checking for his name in the list from top..and it was a long list...so my father told him, "Munshiji neeche se dekhiyega naam jaldi mil jayega" (Munshiji check from below you will get the name fast !)

And there it was...a pass with a third division...and nearly at the bottom !

My father would often tell us this story while my mom would try to keep him quiet, she would say he was too easy on his children. He never hankered after marks and saved our day when we did not do so well.

After BHU he joined the Bihar University only to play football...taking the university football team all over India.

In fact he kept playing right until 1970 when he fractured a collar bone.

But my father never bragged about his achievements.

As a school student in Darjeeling in the eighties I sensed his humility first hand.

We used to  always stay at the New Elgin Hotel.

And I think it was October..the Football Gold Cup tournament was on..

It was raining heavily as we got into the hotel lobby.

My father was in his usual crumpled kurta-pyjama as if just from a train journey.

No one would have bothered to be even know him

Just then a voice rings out loud and clear , "Arre Choudhary !"

My father turned and a man in blue track suit came and hugged him with joy..they were meeting after almost 30 years !

The man in the tracksuit was legendary Indian footballer PK Banerjee.

The hotel lobby was crowded with men in tracksuits..the East Bengal team.

PK Banerjee, their coach then, introduced each one of them to my father as if my father was Jawaharlal Nehru..

As the players shook hands with my father, PK told them "Choudhary was among the best goalkeepers in India".

My father laughed, "PK thats why we lost 16-0 to you and Calcutta University !"

PK, "Choudhary, but thats not entirely true...from Bihar University you were the only one playing...you must have saved dozens of goals that day in Jaipur ! How well you played !"

PK had gone on to play for India in 85 games scoring 65 goals !

And one of the first recipients of Arjuna Award...

Later PK became a coach for various clubs and the Indian team.

My father never liked cricket that much but when television came to India I would often find my father watching cricket in black and white..and inquiring about the score.

I have never cared for sports that much and so I nearly failed my journalism test when I put rugby above cricket....

Or when my editor Behram Contractor asked me to meet some Australian cricket
coach..it was like my toughest assignment.

But many years later I see their point.

I watched Dhoni with interest....not for cricket but his story and I salute his grit and determination...a role model for Indians.

But what lingers on forever is a small part in the film - Dhoni's first girlfriend Priyanka Jha.

Why The Dalai Lama Visits Mosques !

The Dalai Lama in his own style visits Mosques in Laddhak before visiting the Buddhist Monasteries...listen to his talk..its his way to fight terrorism...perhaps his is the only way to do it...through a message of love and peace (not surgical strikes). He also speaks against the exclusivity of religions...even Puri's Hindu temple did not allow his entry.

My Surgical Strikes !

By Manuwant Choudhary

The Operation srtarted at 2 am.

Under cover of darkness I picked him up from his launch pad...

And then I peeled into him.

Slowly at first..then faster.

Using surgical precision.

He was green in color.

The only thing in my mind was how good he would taste.

As the knife sliced into him...I could feel my country's joy.

The knife glistened in the moonlight.

As I went about my job.

I had to be careful so there are no casualties on our side.

We are all `buddies' after all.

This is not for the meek-hearted.

If you get  captured then you must have strayed across...

I cut him into two first, then four..then smaller bits and pieces.

I like them small.

My hands were gory.

But i went on...

The hunger in my belly...for my country.

What a feast !

My chest size went from 25 inches to 55 inches !

A secret video is filmed for the record.

Its daybreak so I return to bed.

No you got it all wrong....I was no Bihari jawan in PoK.

My surgical strikes were on Karachi Mangoes.

They call em Langda (Lame) (available in Patna for Rs.300 per kilo)

Amanda Shires - My Piece Of Land

The Bose I Knew

                                          Photo: Rajesh Singh.
By Manuwant Choudhary

He may not be as famous as Netaji Subhash Chandra Bose or the other one in America Amar G. Bose, the maker of world class audio systems, yet to me Debashish is the only Bose I knew.

Living in non-descript Madhepura in Bihar he was a UNI correspondent.

Slowly but surely through his regular Hindi reports he brought this remote place and its people to the notice of those living in the state and national capital.

Those who knew him closely said he was  a `fighter'.

He fought over issues like floods that affected so many people, he fought the politicians, the bureaucrats and the goons...

He was also a lawyer so he fought the cases as well.

And then his last fight - lung cancer.

Even this he fought..travelling all the way to Mumbai's Tata Cancer Hospital alone with no support whatsoever.

He passed away a few days ago at Madhepura.

I met him last a month ago in Patna.

He would till the last always stay at the Youth Hostel.

Many years ago he had come to our NDTV office and requested us all to become members of the Indian Youth Association.

When I last met him he could not walk..he was feeble..his eyes had the sunken-look..yet when he saw us, it lit up perhaps for the last time.

With folded hands he got emotional, "Forgive me if I may have unwittingly said anything to hurt you."

But Dada as we called him would never hurt his friends.

At least from what I recall whenever he met me he would say it was his good fortune to meet a person like me.

But now that he is gone, actually it was my good fortune to have met Dada.

The first time I met him was when I visited Madhepura as a reporter with NDTV..he was always there to assist us with the stories.

He took us around town and even showed us the Netaji Subhash Chandra statue that he had installed at an important cross-section in town.

But I was aware that local journalists were politically linked.

And Debashish supported Sharad Yadav against Laloo.

Yet, when the election results were announced I was there in Madhepura, Sharad Yadav's victory procession passed us.

Debashish would have been beside Sharad Yadav on the Rath to enjoy the spotlight and derive whatever benefits thereafter.

But he did not budge.

He stayed with us in our car and spent the rest of the day with us doing story after story without lunch.

Thats when I realised that Dada was different.

On another visit he mentioned Barah shetra and how a dam was to come up but never did....without permissions from NDTV and beyond the call of duty we went up right upto Barah in Nepal, the origin of  the river Kosi.(River of Sorrow)

What we found we reported, a ghost bungalow whose chowkidaar had retired 20 years ago but no one had come to replace him and an abandoned flood warning station.

But governments don't heed warnings.

 Ten years after our story was telecast, the Bihar chief minister Nitsh Kumar announced on television, "This is Mahapralaya.(Catastrophy)...the Kosi has broken its embankments.."

I blogged about the Kosi water entering Madhepura and the home of Debashish Bose.

There were many other stories that I could never have done without his help.

Yet, he was more.

Even after I quit NDTV he kept in touch, travelling all the way from Madhepura whenever we invited him...

Even when he had cancer he took no help from politicians like Sharadji, Lalooji or Nitishji.

And neither from Pappu Yadavji,  his friend.

Any decent government officer posted in Madhepura became his friend.

It would not be wrong to say Dada had more friends in the Bihar government than even Nitish Kumar.

And as if to prove my point, the Madhepura District Magistrate came to pay his last respects...as his  daughter Mehul Bose lit the pyre.

Dada  could make friends out of strangers.

Let Her Go

Titan Yadav !

By Manuwant Choudhary

I don't believe the Yadav clan in Bihar has any need of a watch.

Like Laloo Yadav does not have a cellphone.

So when I see a posse of policemen outside the Titan showroom at P & M Mall, Patna, I wonder who is come shopping.

Just then dressed in a T-shirt and jeans I see Laloo Yadav's elder son Tej Pratap - Bihar's health minister, lankily walk out and away.

I wonder what happened inside.

Did he find his Titan watch?

And more importantly did he pay?

A month ago I overheard a shopowner talking to someone, "Aapke sambandh Lalooji se kaisa hai?" (How is your relation to Lalooji?"

In any other state this would not be a preoccupation of shopowners.

What they would be concerned with is their products and services and whether their customers like them.

Tej Pratap is Bihar's health minister and although his younger brother Tejaswi is the deputy CM, the one to watch out for is Tej.

Yet, as per their sworn affidavits Tej is younger !

On his website he is introduced like this, "Tej Pratap Yadav needs no introduction....being the son of Laloo Yadav..."

Then there is a video on why people voted for him..he is seen playing the conch and a flute wearing a golden crown to look like krishna.

There was no tune yet in noisy Mahua...at least some free entertainment.

Bihar's health needs are huge...at best its rudimentary.

Yet, the health minister has asked doctors to be present 24/7.

Its any one's guess whether they will abide.

The poor suffer more in Bihar..the rich go to Delhi, inlcluding ministers and hangers-on.

Tej is in the news mostly for the wrong reasons...first he said upekshit instead of apekshit in his swearing-in.

Then he threatened a journalist with defamation if he did not delete a video.

He rides a horse sometimes.

What a shame ...both of Laloo's sons are not adequately educated....and this inspite of being in power for 15 years !

A security guard was heard complaining, "Sir, I am a graduate and see I am sitting here at this ATM."

The ATM customer replied, "Bewakoof zyada kyon padha liya..sirf Matric rehte to Deputy CM ban jaate."

Its interesting the meaning of Titan...acoording to Greek mythology the children of Uranus and Gaea who wanted to rule heaven but were overthrown by the family of Zeus.

Democracy comes from Greece too and I sometimes wonder if we elect wisely.

"Hum Dilli Haar Gaye Hain" from film Junoon 1978

By Manuwant Choudhary

Junoon 1978 is among the best Indian films on Indian War For Independence (1857)...based on Ruskin Bonds A Flight Of Pigeons.

This Shyam Benegal film is worth watching especially the acting of Naseeruddin Shah.

After a battle he returns home...and he is angry...very angry...not so much with the British but with our own people...the one's who betrayed.

"Hum Dilli Haar Gaye Hain."

Today in the UK we see that anger play out in a different way.

The `Will of the People' is a double edged sword...

Britains leaving the EU could mean its better for India since the British could employ Indians more freely.

Yet, it could also mean the end of liberal agenda and the nationalists would prefer little immigration if at all.

As we watch with concern events unfold in Britain, its ironical that a Sadik Khan would lead London to independence !

Udta Bihar - The Film That Was Never Made

By Manuwant Choudhary

Udta Bihar is a film that was never made...about migrant Bihari labourers to the Punjab...who were paid well but given tea laced with afeem so as to make them work harder and longer.

When they returned home to Bihar..they looked prosperous even when there were no cellphones they returned with prized possessions of a wrist watch, a bicycle and a two-in-one tape recorder.

But there was a downside when they left Bihar they would be strong and good workers, when they returned they were weak and sickly, some died within a few years.

I haven't seen Udta Punjab yet with or without the cuts so cannot really talk about that film.

Alia Bhatt is playing the role of a migrant Bihari and already another Bihari actress Neetu Chandra has shot off an open letter to Alia against her role as it typecast the Bihari !

I think Prakash Jha should have made a film `Udta Bihar' much before Udta Punjab.

But our netas (who believe in Prohibition in Bihar) do not have a word to say about the drug problem faced by Biharis in Punjab.

But why target just states..there should be a film called Udta Hindustan.

As a reporter in Bombay I had found some 20 foreigners selling hash right in front of the Bombay High Court.

From my double decker bus I took to work I saw them every morning..tall black africans and some Indians at business.

I wondered why even the judges did not look...is it because justice is blind ?

So I decided to take on this racket.

I  had a column called Nexus in the Afternoon newspaper.

I approached the Azad Maidan police station...and there were three station officers who were not ready to even look at me until I told them I was a reporter.

They then agreed to hear me out only and only if I agreed to file an FIR.

Its only then that a lady police officer took some interest.

She ordered her men to get ready for a raid.

Within seconds her men in khakhis along with me were in a jeep...I was so happy.

But then there was no sign of the jeep driver.

The lady officer nquired and was told that since the police station did not have water the driver had gone off elsewhere.

We got delayed by 25 minutes.

While we waited the lady officer pulled out a newspaper from Gujarat..she showed it me and asked me...showing a photo...."If I arrest the drug peddlars will I also get an award like the news report."

I told her yes she should.

She was so upbeat.

The driver arrived. ...we picked up our photographer Sudharak Olwe from office.

And there we were taking a round of the Oval Maidan (the same place whhere Kate and William played cricket)

The police woman did some strategy.

We got real close...some four policemen got off first but instead of arresting them..one of them used his `danda' to hit an African...

There was a loud thud.

From then on it was all hell broke loose.

The drug pedllars fled in all directions....the over-sized policemen with dandas could barely run.

The lady police woman ran chasing away the drug peddlars...I think thats the photo our photographer Sudahark Olwe captured.

One Indian peddlar was so over-drugged that he could barely walk...I am not even sure if he was a peddlar or an addict.

But the policewoman arested him...and told me that the case has been opened.

She added, "I hope I will get the police medal !"

Bihar Prohibition 4 - No Drinks, Thou Shall Die For Nation

By Manuwant Choudhary

The other day men retired from the Indian army did something they are not trained for - they blocked a main road leading to the Danapur cantonment. Reason: They were protesting against the Bihar prohibition.

Ex-servicemen are entitled to 6 bottles of alcohol per month but in Bihar under the new prohibition laws they cannot take the bottles home.

They will be arrested and locked up with criminals and petty theives in Bihar's overcrowded prisons.

So they decided to protest.

The Patna DM and SP stayed away from the protest site and the inspectors were no match from the angry jawans.

Its only an assurance from the top Brass at Danapur cantonement that they stopped their protests.

An ex armyman is among those who has filed a PIL in the Patna High Court saying the alcohol ban law is  a violation of human rights.

Thousands of Biharis are in prison under the draconian law and three cheers to our ex-jawans who have been brave enough to oppose this law...

They might well prove to be the bottle-openers in Bihar

Bihar Prohibition 3 - Thou Shall Eat Bhindi Pakora !

By Manuwant Choudhary

The other day I went to Patna's Bankipore Club and guess what even the pavement dwellers outside, whom the Bihar government have not been able to evict in 60 years, have left.

A few still remain on the pavement and I saw policemen in their khakhis poking them with their dandas...hoping to find some booze hidden under the plastic sheets.

Inside the club, it was completely deserted.

The Bankipore Club built by the British is located bang on the Ganga and is one of the few places in Bihar which had a semblance of life.

Nitish Kumar has killed all social life in Bihar.

Earlier if you called for a waiter you would have to wait for a while as they were so busy taking orders.

Now there are more waiters than guests.

You call one and  dozens will come to you.

But with no drinks now, all you can order is some Bhindi pakora.

On its giant open cinema they were showing some black & white film...but even that was hard to watch as the District Magistrate placed glaring vapour lights towards the Club lawns to catch drinkers.

The alcohol adverts have been barbarically removed, some still in tatters !

Nitish is building a Ganga drive right in front..so the Club has lost its USP.

And now no drinks !

Why would anyone want to be a member here?

The Bars are empty, the food stalls are also losing business....and there is a stench coming from the Ganga...(no Ganga tax yet)

Patna is hardly a city, not even a decent town.

Once we heard they've opened a disco so we sent our camera team only to find out the disco operates only during morning hours like from 10 am to 12 noon !

Patna's only disco  shut down in 15 days !

And there is no place for the young to hang out.

Couples for some solace travel to Kumhrar, the ancient site of Patliputra, which now has just a few remnants and a garden.

It used to have the site where 80 pillars from the court of Chandragupta Maurya could be seen.

I took some guests there to show them this and when I got there they had covered it all up with mud.

At Kumhrar they keep breaking down new boundary walls to build newer walls - corruption.

As we left the Club it felt like someone had died.

The next film to be shown there - Saala Khadoos !

Bihar Prohibition (2) - Thou Shall Test Soap !

By Manuwant Choudhary

Nitish Kumar is so troubled..every time he goes to the bathroom he finds his soap missing. So he calls his chief secretary..(CS)

CM: yeh mera sabun gayab kyon ho jaaata hai...(why does my soap go missing everyday from the bathroom)

CS: Sir, its a problem everywhere sir.

CM: What do you mean?

CS: Everyone is eating soap these days.

CM: You mean to say I am also eating soap?

CS: No sir, how can I accuse you of such an illegal act..only people of Bihar commit illegal acts.

CM: Enough. I want a high level inquiry into the missing soap.

CS: Sir, a low-level inquiry is enough...rats have been eating your soap.

CM: Rats ! But there were no rats in the CM house when I returned as chief minister.

CS: Sir, that was because Jitan Ram Manjhi was chief minister before you.

CM: You mean Jitan Ram Manjhi ate up all the rats....

CS: Sir, I am such a junior officer to talk about food habits of chief ministers...but if you want to get rid of the rats again..you can try making Jitan Ram chief minister again...

CM: NEVER.

CS: Sir, but he is Mahadalit.

CM: Never. Don't mention his name again...besides I was asking you about soap not Manjhi...Now I prefer rats to Manjhi...

CS: yes sir rats are just like us... we are getting news that even people across Bihar are eating soap.

CM: But why?

CS: They get some kick.

CM: Is soap alcoholic?

CS: We don't know but they are made of chemicals surely.

CM: Call all of Bihar's scientists and I want all soap brands tested in our laboratory.

CS: Sir, Bihar does not have scientists...just castes !

CM: So get me the scientist caste?

CS: There are none...we are trying to figure out which caste Aryabhatta was?

CM: Do not waste my time...my senior officers are my scientists..they do everything I tell them to do...they drink when I tell them and stop drinking when I order so...so disciplined...my cops...

CS: But our labs are not equipped to test soaps.

CM: I am going to have them tested in my presence.

CS: But how?

CM: Surely, by eating it...

CS: My officers have been testing all day...Godrej, Pears..even MNC soap P & G....ahh camay tastes so good they say....and liril....the lemon flavour.....they say is beautiful like the girl who campaigns for it...

CM: Ban all MNC soap.

CS: Sir, we tested Baba Ramdev soap too...and our officers were so ecstatic..it has some Himalayan churn (herb) in it..now all our officers are saying Bharat Mata Ki Jai !

Bihar Prohibition 1 - `Thou Shall Eat Soap' !

By Manuwant Choudhary

I was at the Patna Super Market when I saw everyone just buying soaps.

Soaps were flying off the shelves faster than shooting stars.

Only one customer (on condition of anonymity) agreed to speak to me, he said he does not want to be hanged)

Me: So tell me why everyone is buying soap..is it do with some festival like Chhath where everyone has to be clean?

Customer: Shhh..shhhh....those men standing in safari suits are Nitish Kumar's men from the Excise department.

Me: But what has Excise department got to do with soap?

Customer: In a days time you will not find a single soap in Bihar?

Me: But why?

Customer: I am telling you I don't want to go to the gallows...ahh life is so beautiful.

Me: I am just asking you why you are buying soap and you are talking about death? Are you commiting suicide?

Customer: Never, never. I will never commit suicide. But I do support Rakhi Sawant when she says ban all ceiling fans.

Me: But I am not asking you about ceiling fans, I am asking you about soap.

Customer: Soap is an essential item.

Me: I agree..but why suddenly everyone is buying soap..earlier these Super Markets did not know how to sell their soap and now this windfall? Is it some advert you have watched?

Customer: No, no...we don't watch television or hear the radio...such absurd government ads are there about my son becoming a jharoo-walla.

Me: You mean like Kejriwal.

Customer: No, no, jharuwalla like who come to clean your home.

Me: You are changing the topic. I just want to know about soap.

Customer: Ahh soap is the best invention of man.

Me: Not really, man has invented so many wonderful things.

Customer: Nothing like soap....

Me: I am getting tired of your replies...now just tell me what this is all about.

Customer (In whispers): Since Nitish Kumar has banned the Booze Bars..we have moved to Bars of Soap !

(To be continued)